People have this serious misconception that a partner will change once they get married. After all marriage is a serious thing isn’t it? So if a person take a vow to love and cherish you it means that they will even if the person was cheating on you and betraying your trust prior to the marriage. No they might not change. It is wrong to assume that and if you marry a person their behavior will suddenly change. If you marry someone knowing that they are being unfaithful to you what motivation is there for them to change. If you accepted the behavior isn’t it telling the person that you are okay with it? Decide beforehand what you will or will not accept from a relationship. Don’t start a marriage on a rocky foundation where trust is an issue. A person who is not dedicated to ensuring your happiness will only bring you sorrow.
Dealing With Infidelity
Are you in a relationship where you feel like you are giving one hundred percent and he is only giving fifty? That is probably because he is giving another woman that other fifty. Infidelity is one of the major cause of problems in relationships. There is a tendency for both of the sexes to cheat and when there is no trust in a relationship it is destined for failure.
As a woman how do you deal with the fact that your partner is cheating on you? Do you confront him, make him know you won’t stand for it, give him an ultimatum wherein he had to choose you or go out the door? Or are you so afraid you might lose him that you turn a blind eye, suffer silently and tell yourself that you would rather share him than lose him? The fact is if you are sharing him with someone else you are half-way on the road to losing him anyway. What is the point in prolonging your unhappiness?
You might be so afraid of losing him that you try to convince yourself that you can deal with it. But why lie to yourself? You lie awake at night wondering where he is, who he is with and what he is doing. You want to feel his arms about you but the space beside you is empty and you know in your heart that he is with someone else. You cry yourself to sleep knowing you have to let him go but not having the courage to do it.
Women often feel they need a man even when that man turns out to be a source of unhappiness. The truth is you don’t need someone in your life who is making you unhappy. You cannot rely on someone else to make you happy. You are the author and creator of your happiness. You cannot leave it in someone else’s hands!
If a man loves, respect and cares about his woman, chances are he will not cheat on her. If he does not love, care for and respect you then you need to let him go. There are times in life when you have to compromise but this is not one of those times. If he is cheating on you and refuses to stop you need to show him the door because you don’t need him anymore than he needs you. You certainly do not need to put yourself at risk for STD’s especially HIV and AIDS. If you man is playing around he is not just messing with your heart, he could be messing with your life as well.
In my next post I will tell you about one woman who compromised and paid for it with her life. Be wise, stay strong , love yourself and accept nothing less than you deserve! Take control of your relationship today!
- How To Save Your Relationship After Cheating – Relationship Breakup Advice – Infidelity (howtogetyourexback143.wordpress.com)
The world is full of chaos and people with twisted minds. In some countries the laws that ought to be enforced are ignored and people impose other rules to satisfy themselves. They have rules which make it acceptable for a man to torture and kill a woman. On the other hand if a woman refuses to comply to a fixed marriage or wear clothes considered as being inappropriate, it is seen as a sin for which she is punished.
In some cultures women are seen as replaceable commodities. There is no value placed on the life of the woman. She is looked upon as being inferior to her male counterpart and is treated accordingly. Brothers think nothing of killing their sisters to uphold what they call ‘the family honor‘ The question is, what kind of honor does a murderer bring to any family? What is honorable about killing your own sister?
Love to these people mean nothing and family honor means everything. It is a kind of sick twisted mentality. They do not understand the concept that unity is strength and that a family divided against itself will come to naught. They are so busy trying to protect their public image that they are blinded to the things that should be more important, that of a brother looking out for his sister and families uniting to protect family members.
The fact that brothers see nothing wrong with killing their sisters highlight the fact that in these societies men in general have very little respect for the lives of women and the laws if there are any is not sufficiently implemented to be a deterrent.
If women in these countries should turn the tables and say enough is enough and start to seek their own justice, I wonder if the laws will then be implemented or will they be able to get away with committing atrocities against men in the same manner that men commit atrocities against women? Interesting thought isn’t it? What do you thing?
An honor killing is the killing of a member of a family or social group by other members who believe that the victim has brought dishonor upon the family or the community. In countries such as India where there is little respect for the lives of women, a woman can be killed for simple things such as dressing in a manner which is deemed in appropriate, wanting to terminate or prevent an arranged marriage, desiring to marry by her own choice or engaging in sex outside of marriage.
Women’s rights activists say India’s police are not doing enough to tackle the problem of ‘honor killings’. Many times the police do not take complaints by the victims seriously. They do not provide protection for the victims and this boosts the morale of the culprits; they take the law into their own hands.
What is ironic is that simple things that women do are considered sins but the murdering of women is not. Apparently in the eyes of these perpetrators killing is okay if the victim is a woman.
The public beheading of a woman by his brother in Kolkata last December highlights the lack of respect for the lives of women in India. This incident on December 7, 2012, was another honor killing. Nilofar Bibi 22, at the time of her death was only fourteen years old when she left home in an arranged marriage. Bibi alleged that she was tortured by her in-laws and returned to her parents on November 28 but disappeared days later.
Her brother Mehtab Alam 29, found his sister living with an old boyfriend. He stormed into the house and dragged Bibi into the street in broad daylight. Passersby watched in horror as he cut off his sister’s head while saying she had sinned and had to be punished. He left his sister’s body in a pool of blood on the road and calmly walked to the police station with her head in his hand to surrender himself. He walked into the police station and placed the head of his sister and the butcher knife he used to decapitate her on a table in front of the police officer.
The sibling’s family expressed support for Alam saying they were proud he upheld their honor.
I am at a loss to understand what honor this young man upheld. Honor is protecting and defending the women in your family. Honor is defending and protecting your sister when the man who should love and protect her is abusing her. There is nothing honorable about killing a defenseless woman especially a member of your own family – your sister. It is a shameful and dishonorable act which must be condemned. There can be no honor in taking a human life.
She is just eleven years old, she has yet to get her first period and already she is a wife. Adulthood is forced upon her. She is not prepared for this physically, mentally or emotionally. Her hopes and dreams of staying in school and getting an education is shattered. Her dreams does not matter nor does her happiness. Her parents have received a dowry and now she is married to a man older than her father. Still a child, afraid and confused knowing nothing about sex or marriage and the duties of a wife, she will be forced to have sexual intercourse with a grown man. She will suffer the agony of having her childhood stolen from her and suffer even more through pregnancy and childbirth and there is a possibility that she will die giving birth.
Stripped of her freedom she lives at the mercy of her husband and in-laws. She is often treated like a domestic slave, ill treated by her in-laws and raped by her husband if she resist his advances for sex. Her tears goes unnoticed, her eyes mirrors her pain. For her there is little hope, she has nothing to smile about, all she can do is try and endure the life that has been forced upon her. All of this seems like something from a movie, but it is not, it is real. It is the daily life of child brides around the world. In cultures of ignorance and poverty the children suffers. One such place is Niger
Niger has one of the highest rate of child marriages in the world; 75 percent of girls are married before the age eighteen and many are subjected to a life of domestic and sexual slavery. In Niger the problem is not just the fact that there are child brides but that some of these brides are in fact sold into slavery. ‘Wahaya’ is the term used for girls and women who are sold as fifth wives to men. In Niger men are allowed to have four legal wives and any number of fifth wives.
For these girls and women who are bought as fifth wives, no marriage ceremony takes place and girls do not benefit from any of the legal rights and protection that legal wives have. They are treated as domestic and sexual slaves but are still referred to as wives. They are used for free labor and sex by their masters who are mainly dignitaries or wealthy men.
The legal age for the marriage of a girl in Niger is fifteen years old but as the country struggles with severe drought, failing crops and mass starvation girls as young as seven years old are being sold as child brides. Parents have told activists that although they are unhappy about selling their daughters to men, the food situation have left them with no alternative. Families are using child marriage as a survival strategy to deal with food insecurity. Marrying off a daughter means one less mouth to feed and the dowry she brings in goes to feed the others. Fertility rate is high in Niger with the average household having at least seven children.
The practice of child marriage comes with serious consequences. It impacts negatively on the health of young girls. Having children at such a young age, they are at risk for fistulas (vaginal or anal rupture) which can lead to incontinence. Girls with fistulas are often abandoned by their husbands and scorned by society. The majority of child brides are denied an education. Only 15 percent of adult women in Niger are literate and less than one-third of girls are enrolled in schools.
For places like Niger change will only come when families understand that educating their daughters instead of marrying them off will be more beneficial in bringing economic growth to this starving nation. In a 2001 study UNICEF found that women with seven or more years of education marry an average four years later and have 2.2 fewer children than those with no education.
United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) wants the age of marriage to be changed to eighteen years . It says this would give the girls longer time in school and give their bodies time to develop and allow them to reach adulthood. This move will also help to curb the birth rate which is the highest in the world.
Bangladesh Child Brides
Although child marriages is illegal there is an increase in the practice in some developing countries. Bangladesh for instance has the fourth highest rates of child marriages in the world. Young girls are married by the time they hit puberty and usually move in with their husbands right away.
Most child brides become mothers while they are still children themselves. Because their bodies are not yet fully developed they are at risk for prolonged or obstructed labor which threatens both the life of the child and the mother.
Like India one of the main reasons behind child marriages in Bangladesh is poverty and girls from poor families are more likely to become child brides. The illegal dory system is also a contributor. Younger brides often require smaller dowries so parents marry off their girls at a young to avoid paying a high dowry which most of them cannot afford.
These girls are denied a proper education. They suffer from poor health, give birth to children who are weak and malnourished and raise them in poverty. Later on some of these same mothers will force their daughters into early marriage and the vicious cycle continues.
Some parents marry off their daughters because they feel they will be safe under the protection of their husbands. However in many instances these girls are abused by their husbands, sexually,physically, and emotionally. They also suffer at the hands of their in-laws.
Rani is a child bride. She was married at the age of fourteen to the man her mother arranged for her to marry. “I could not go against my mother’s will,” Rani said. “So I agreed to marry him without thinking of other options.”
Rani was constantly beaten by her in-laws and husband . “They beat me for trivial matters,” says Rani. ” If they think the dress I washed is not clean or the food I cooked is not tasty, they beat me.”
“He beats me not only with his hands but he uses his belt to beat me,” she says of her husband. ‘He used to say, “No matter how much you cry or ask for help from others, I will not stop beating you.”
Rani has attempted suicide. She said, “Once I was so tired of his beatings. I felt so desperate. I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to give away my life. I tried to commit suicide by hanging myself.” According to Rani her in-laws were actually pleased when they learned she was going to hang herself. “I went inside my room and was preparing to hang myself. I screamed, ‘I am going to take away my life!’ My mother-in-law and my husband were relaxing outside the room,” Rani said. “They were listening to what I was saying but they did not try to save me, as I was a burden to them.”
The neighbors informed Rani’s mother about what was taking place.“Then my brother kicked open the door,” Rani says. “At that time, I had already hanged myself. My mother lost her senses when she saw me hanging from a rope. My brother took me on his lap and got me down from the rope. Then my brother took me to the hospital.”
It has been reported that 51 young brides in Bangladesh committed suicide due to mistreatment by their parents-in-law in just one month in 2004.
- The Selling of Syria’s Refugee Child Brides (iranaware.com)
- 2030: A World Free Of Child Marriage (news.yourolivebranch.org)
- Saudi girl, 15, barricades herself in bedroom after being married to 90-year-old groom for huge dowry (themuslimissue.wordpress.com)
Thank God for the fact that we live in a free society. Thank God for the fact that we have the freedom to make our own decisions when it comes to relationships. Thank God for the fact that our children are free; free to enjoy their childhood. They are free to enjoy their teen years and do the things that children are meant to do. How much people are aware that in many parts of the world little girls are not allowed this freedom. Many are forced into adulthood the moment they hit puberty.
Child marriage is a big problem in some countries mainly in Asia and Sub Saharan Africa. It is also prevalent in the Middle East, Eastern Europe and Latin America. Girls as young as five years old are wed to men, four, five, six or even seven times their age. These little girls are robbed of their childhood, their rights as human being to have freedom of choice and their very dignity.
Although child marriage is illegal in India, the country accounts for about 40 percent of the world child marriages cases. Every year millions of Indian girls forced into marriage. Rajasthan is the center-point of India’s child marriages. More than half the girls born there become child brides before the age of fifteen . Poverty is one of the main reason. Many of India’s rural poor live on less than a dollar a day. Poor families sell their children into marriages either to settle debts to make some money to alleviate their poverty. Girls are viewed as burdens and marrying off a daughter means one less mouth to feed. These little girls suffer mentally, physically, emotionally and educationally.
April and May are popular months for marriages in Rajasthan and villages hold thousand of ceremonies. To evade the law the marriages are often performed in secret , usually late at night and outsiders are not allowed to attend them. The bride will remain at home until puberty then she will go and live with her husband and while little girls in other societies are enjoying their childhood years she will be busy washing, cooking, cleaning the house and making babies. Many of these girls will die giving birth.