Stop Abuse of Women

5 Year-old Raped and Tortured in India

Last December the people of India were shocked and outraged when a young woman was brutally raped and tortured.  She later died as a result of her injuries.  Now only a few months later another brutal rape and tortured has shocked the nation once more.  This time the victim is only five years old.  
The little girl was moved from a local hospital to Swami Dayanand Hospital in New Delhi on Friday.  She is reported to be alert and stable.  According to doctors she was being given intravenous antibiotics to fight a blood infection and further operations will have to wait until the infection clears up.  “This is the first time I have seen such barbarism”, R. K. Bansal medical superintendent of the hospital said Friday in a televised interview.  “There were injuries to her lips, cheek, arms and anus area.  Her neck had bruise marks suggesting that attempts were made to strangle her.”  He said a bottle almost eight inches long and pieces of candle had been inserted into her private parts.
The five year old went missing on April 15 and was found two days later by neighbors who heard her crying in a locked room in the same New Delhi building where she lives with her family.  She was found alone having left for dead by her attackers.  Anger at the authorities grew after the parents of the girl said the police had failed to take their complaint seriously, failed to carry out an adequate search and then offered them  2000 rupees – about $37 – if they would keep quiet about the case.  On Friday a Television News Channel showed a police officer slapping a female protester in the face.
The police arrested a 22 year-old garment worker early Saturday morning in Bihar.  The suspect had an apartment in the same building as the girl.  He is accused of abducting, raping and torturing her.  The Times of India reported that he told the police he fled the apartment because he believe the girl had died.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh expressed regrets about the incident.  On Saturday the president of The Indian National Congress Party, Sonia Gandhi released a statement saying “Action and not words are required to ensure that such incident never happens again”.  A second suspect was arrested on Monday.
Inspirational Story

Inspirational Story

Why Women Cry

 A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him.
“I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?”

God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up,

and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,

but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

“You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,

the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.

 

Parenting

Parenting

 

 

The new school year began for many students today. It is a day filled with mixed emotions for children as well as parents. Some parents are seeing their children off to school for the very first time. Some children will accept this new change with curiosity an excitement, others will be crying and hanging on to their parents for dear life. Yes change is not always easy and parents need to understand that it is going to take a while for some children to adjust.

Some children will be moving up to higher grade. Some will be going to new schools. For a lot of children there is going be a period of adjustment. Be patient with them and try to be understanding. It is also a period of adjustment for those parents whose children have gone off to college. This is especially true for those who are attending college in another country or another state. You have them home all their lives and suddenly they are gone from home and each day those empty rooms remind you they are not there.

As parents we all knew that this day was coming. Keep in close contact with them. Make sure the lines of communication between you and them are open because college can be challenging for many young people. Some cannot handle being on their own and making import decisions in regards to relationships and other social behaviors very well and might do things they do not necessarily believe is right, in order to fit it. You have to let them no it is okay to stand up for what they believe in and not follow the crowd. It is okay to be different when it is for a good reason!

 

poetry, Relationships & Society

Mother at Sixteen

 

She was looking lost and forlorn,
Her frail body slouching forward,
holding tightly at the young child in her arms.
The baby was crying, she attempted to feed him,
but from the white cracks on her lips,
and her sunken eyes, you couldn’t help but wonder,
if she wasn’t hungry too.

She looked around anxiously,
as if expecting someone,
The shadows of evening are lengthening,
and she is all alone at the train station,
She is alone with her baby and a bag by her feet,
which holds all her earthly possessions.

Her mother’s harsh words still echoed in her ears,
‘Go find you baby father, find the man who breed you,
I can’t afford to take care a you and no baby!”
He said he would come, he said he would meet her here.
That was two days ago.
And here she was, still alone at the train station,
Just sixteen years old,
Alone and scared, with nowhere to go!

 

Parenting

PARENTING

Teenage Pregnancy and Coping With it

A mother’s hopes and dreams for her teenage daughter may be dashed to pieces when she becomes pregnant before completing high school. Many mothers work hard and make many sacrifices to give their children a good life. You do your best to make sure she stays in school and you cannot wait for the day when she graduates from college. The last thing you expect is for her to drop out of school to have a baby. Pregnancy was not part of the plans you had for her, this was not supposed to happen. You might experience a number of emotions ranging from anger, disappointment, a sense of frustration and the feeling that you have somehow failed.
No doubt, you are going to ask, “How could you let this happen?” The truth is more than likely she did not deliberately set out to get pregnant. She was perhaps just experimenting with sex not giving a thought to pregnancy. It could even be just a one-time experience and she got pregnant.
The initial reaction is to be angry you may think your daughter is careless and has no ambition. She may have been careless but because she has made a blunder does not mean she has no ambition. You are going to voice your disappointment, that is understandable but it is not going to help the situation. Go ahead and voice your displeasure, tell her how you feel, but when you are done the next step is deal with the situation. Just like any other problem you encounter in life, you have to find a way to deal with it. This is the point in her life when your daughter needs you more than ever; do not turn your back on her.
Some parents get so angry about their teen getting pregnant that they will ask her to immediately leave the home and go to whoever got her pregnant. It is okay to feel angry and frustrated but putting your daughter out of the house is not the answer. In fact, this might only serve to lessen any chance of the teenager been able to pick up the pieces and go back to school and later, college. It could also create an environment where she might go on to have more children.
Take the story of Melissa, she was fourteen years old when she became pregnant, her parents were so angry that they asked her to leave the house. Having nowhere to go, she went to live with her child’s father but soon after the baby was born his abusive behavior forced her to leave him. She was grateful to the other guy who took her in. One year later, she was once again pregnant and as if her troubles were not already enough before the baby was even born, he left her.
Caught up in a situation with no job, no one to help her and two children to care for she found herself falling into the arms of yet another guy who professed to love her and promised that he would take care of her and the children. However, it was only a matter of time before he went back on his words. Once more with one more child, she was again on her own.
At the age of twenty instead of accomplishing some form of career, she was living in a run-down tenement, occupying one room with three hungry children to care for, often relying on the kindness of the other tenants to survive. At times, she would curse her fate and vow never to let another man near her. In harsh economic times promises like that may be hard to keep, because it is hard for a mother to sit by and watch her children go hungry; when another man comes along promising to help the chances are that she might fall for it. Times are tough and one cannot be too judgmental.
This situation might have turned out differently had the parents taken a different approach. Instead of turning her out of the home, they could have been supportive. Everyone makes mistake any everyone deserves a second chance. They could have let her remain in the home and have the baby. The child could have gone to daycare if there was no one at home to take care of him or her. This would have allowed the mother to go back to school. If they family could not afford daycare, finding a foster home would have been another option. Some people might say why not give the child up for adoption and that too could be an option. However, foster care may be more suitable than adoption. Foster care allows the teenager to be in touch with her child; in adoption, she might never get to see her child again.
Adoption means the mother is permanently giving up rights to her child. The teenage mother is at a point in her development where she is not emotionally or mentally mature enough to make this kind of decision. She may feel that she is been forced to give her child away. This might bring about resentment towards her parents although she knows they are only trying to help. Stronger than the resentment could be the feeling of guilt. She may experience feelings of guilt about giving the child up for adoption because of her inability to care for him or her.
Most women have very strong maternal feelings towards their babies once they are born. Believing that your daughter is too young to be a mother does not mean she cannot have very strong maternal instincts towards her child. A mother’s instinct is usually to care for her young one so when the child is in an environment such as a foster home where she is able to take an active part in the child’s life it will be easier to deal with rather than to deal with the feeling that she has somehow abandoned her child. If she is satisfied with the care her child is been given there might come a time when she might feel comfortable enough to allow the foster parents to adopt.
Parents deal with pregnancy in different ways. Some the moment they find out will opt for abortion. Not everyone agrees on abortion. In some countries, abortions are illegal except in situations where the mother’s life may be threatened. The rights and wrongs of abortion is still been debated.
Abortion may seem like an easy solution to your daughter’s predicament but unless the pregnancy is going to endanger the life of the teenager, I do not think that should be an option. It may seem like a quick fix, but it can also have repercussions. There are cases where even mature women after having abortions spend years dealing with the guilt of having done so. This kind of guilt might be hard for the teen to deal with and she might go about dealing with it in the wrong way.
You may have difficulty understanding why soon after the termination of a pregnancy your daughter gets pregnant again. You may think your daughter is just been rebellious; this might not necessarily be the case. It could be more of a coping mechanism, her way of trying to deal with the guilt of having aborted a child in the first place. By having another child to replace the one she has lost might somehow ease the guilt. Although there might be a quick fix to the initial problem, that of the pregnancy there is no quick fix for the emotional trauma an abortion might leave.
In any case, a quick fix to the problem is not necessarily the best answer because your daughter might continue to live a careless life-style knowing that if she gets in trouble you are going to take care of it. Letting her have the baby might teach her responsibility. It will make her understand that taking care of a baby is not an easy job; it is a lot of hard work and sleepless nights. This may serve as a deterrent for another pregnancy.
The best way to deal with these problems is to try to prevent them from happening in the first place. Okay so you are going to ask, “How can I prevent my daughter from getting pregnant?”
The truth is that you cannot, but by having continuous dialogue with your daughter, you may be able to get her to focus on the things that are important, such as getting an education and a career. As your daughter enters her teenage years, you have to prepare yourself for the moment when she will want to start dating. Strictly forbidding her to have a boyfriend will in no way guarantee her not getting pregnant because might get involved with someone keep the relationship a secret and still end up getting pregnant.
If your sixteen year old [I say sixteen but I know many teens start dating before that age] says “Mom I want to start dating.” Do not be close-minded and brush it aside. She came to you; that is a good start. Try to create an atmosphere of trust between you and your daughter. When your daughter starts dating try to get to know the person she is dating.
It is important to talk to your daughter about not getting involved in a sexual relationship at an early age point out to her some of the disadvantages. Encourage her to make her education her first priority. Let her know that sex can wait and that not having sex is not an opportunity lost but getting pregnant could very well bring about a set back for her.
You need to make it clear to her that by allowing her to date does not mean you are giving her permission to have sex. Let her know that you trust her to stay focus in school and not let her relationship take presidency over her education. Tell her not to allow anyone to pressure her into having sex. If the person really cares about her, love and respect her, he will be willing to wait. She should never compromise and give in just to please him. Instead, she should stay focused on what it is that she wants to achieve in her life. After all her life should not be about her pleasing her boyfriend, it should be about her fulfilling her dreams.
Peer-pressure sometimes contribute to teenagers having sex at an early age so you need to make your daughter understand that because her friends are having sex does not mean that she have to have sex too. Tell her she will have sexual feelings at times but that does not mean she has to give in to them. Nevertheless, what if she you find out that in spite of everything you have told her she is having sex, what can you do? You can ground her, tell her she can no longer see her boyfriend or go out with him, but do you honestly think that  is going to work. More than likely, they are going to find a way to see each other and you have no guarantee that she will not continue to engage in sex. If it happens once, there is a greater chance of it happening again.
What do you do in a situation like this? Of course, you are going to tell her she should not be having sex, but she already knows that. You can talk to her and punish her but frankly there is very little else that you can do so you might want to try talking to her about protection.  Gone are the days when you could give her a pack of birth control pills and tell her to take them. We have not only pregnancy to worry about but also sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS. The safest method of prevention in both situations is the use of the condom.
You might experience a sense of consternation and a feeling of being overwhelmed having to say to your daughter, “If you insist on having sex make sure that a condom is used. It may appear as if you are condoning what she is doing when actually this is the last thing you want happening. Situations such as these help make you realize how difficult the job of parenting can be. There are instances where you are going to have to compromise although you might not want to. To be pig-headed and lay down laws will not necessarily bring about the result you desire. It is the nature of teenagers to be rebellious and if they insist on doing something, in spite of what you say or do they will find a way to do it.
Instead of taking an antagonistic approach, it is better to try to have a good relationship with your daughter. You are not going to feel comfortable with what she is doing but you have to decide which is the lesser of two evils. Should you encourage condom use when you are positive she is having sex or just continue to oppose the idea, hoping that she will adhere to your wishes and at the same time leaving her in a situation where she is exposed not only to the risk of getting pregnant but to also contracting transmittable diseases? There is an old saying that goes “You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t force it to drink.” Trying to prevent the problem might be the better alternative in this situation.
You can take comfort in the thought that having protective sex there is a greater chance of your daughter graduating and go on to college without having her education interrupted by worries of pregnancy.  Remember that no matter how trying the circumstances may seem it is not going to be forever.
Do not worry about what other people might think or say it is none of their business. Your goal is to ensure that she receives a good education and a career. This will place her in a position where she will be able to get a good job and thus have economic independence and security.
The day will come when you will be able to breathe a sigh of relief and experience a sense of satisfaction on having done a good job.

Parenting

Taking Charge and Making Changes

To you my followers I do apologize for the fact that I have not been posting any thing much lately.  I have been busy working on a book which is now near completion.  I wish to share a chapter with you.  You can give me your feedback.

Single Parenting

     In days gone by the man generally accepted as the head of the family.  He was the one in charge of the household; he was the main provider.  While this is still the case in some homes there is an increase in the number of single parent homes where the fathers are conspicuous in their absence and the job of raising the children rests solely on the mothers.

Too many men are relinquishing their responsibilities as fathers.  Too many are coming up short in the approach they take towards caring for their families.  It is time for men to stand up, be men, and play the role that they are supposed to play.  It is the responsibility of a man to take care of his family and support his children; too many are failing to do so.

Being a man is not about how many children he can father and by how many women.  It should be about taking caring of his children and living a lifestyle that they can emulate.  Men must try to be good role models for their children.  They should be there for them, nurturing them and helping to mold them into the exemplary individuals that they can be.  They should be responsible fathers.

One cannot be unduly harsh since there are situations where many of these fathers were themselves brought up in single parent homes where the fathers were absent.  However, a man should not use this as an excuse.  He should not say, “My mother alone raised me and I turned out all right.”  He should instead seize the opportunity to stop the vicious cycle, to make the change, be the father that his dad never was and do what he knows is in fact the right thing to do.

Men need to understand that although they might achieve great accomplishments, get degrees, win medals, get accolades even; unless they live up to their responsibilities and play the role they are supposed to play in the lives of their families, they have failed.

The job of parenting is not an easy one.  None of us was born with parenting skills; it is something that we learn as we go along and alas it appears to be too tough a job for some men to handle and yet they think they are the stronger sex!

I sometimes wonder if it is a situation that some of these men suffer from amnesia which makes it so easy for them to get a child with a woman and move on to get a child with another and keep moving on without taking responsibility for any of these children.   They seem to have no memory that these children exist.  On deeper reflection these men are not worthy to be called fathers for they are in fact merely sperm donors.  They simply donate the sperms and that is the end of the story.

Women have been forced into the role of single parents in situations where the man was not there from the start or he left at some point in the relationship completely deserting his family.  I know of a case of a woman, who was with a man for over ten years, they had five children together.  The youngest child was about four months old when he left her and married another woman.  I remember her wanting a stove and having to wait for hours with that baby until he got back from church with his new wife to sign as a guarantor for her.  This case is not unique. There is another case where a man left his woman with seven children and married another woman.

Women need to stop been selfish and try to be kinder to each other in order to stop the hurt.  He is leaving her with five or seven children and you take him and you marry him.  What kind of sister does that to another sister?  As sisters, we need to start looking out for each other.   Some women will say, “Oh is him come look me.”  Yes maybe so but that does not mean you could not have said no when you learned about the other woman and her children.  I have been in those kind situations.  I remember this particular guy who kept asking me out, I knew his girlfriend had only recently had a baby so each time he asked me to go out with him I would ask him, “How is your girlfriend and how is they baby?”  One day he said to me, “Why every time I ask you out you ask me about my girlfriend and the baby?”  I said to him, “You seem to keep forgetting about them, so I have to keep reminding you.”  He never asked me out after that.

Women, stop acting so desperate for a man that if one tells you he likes you, even though you know he has a woman and children you are just going to dismiss them and hop into bed with him.  Do not try to ease your conscience by telling yourself that if the woman were doing everything right her man would stay home.   Men do not need a reason to cheat and because he may leave her to be with you does not mean he is going to stay with you even if you manage to convince him to marry you.  Women do not know what it is like to feel abandoned or cheated on until they have experienced it themselves.  I know of an individual who for years was in a relationship with another woman’s husband, eventually she broke up with him found someone else and got married.  When she found out that her husband was cheating on her she said she felt like she was going to go mad, she said it was then that she realized how the other woman must have felt when she was having a relationship with her husband.  Karma can be a bitch.  If you are going to leave someone else hurting do not count too much on having a happily ever after with him.

Getting back to the job of single parenting, as the saying goes a job worth doing is worth doing well.  Despite all the odds women need to do their best in raising their children.  You know how the cards are stacked; you know what you are working with.  You know the one person your children are depending on is you so you cannot afford to fail them.

As a good parent, you have to ensure that their day-to-day needs are taken care of.  You also have to ensure that they get a good education.  Many women are in low paying jobs and this sometimes makes it difficult for them to keep up with day-to-day expenses.  While some of these women decide to go it alone, others simply cannot cope.  Once the fathers can be located, women should utilize the facilities set up to collect money from delinquent fathers.  By right, it should never have to come to this, but the way some men behave, the women simply do not have a choice.

The financial aspect however is only a part of parenting because parenting is more than just putting food on the table and clothes on their back.  It is imperative that children get the opportunity of a good education, as this is one of the most fundamental aspects of their development.  There is also the question of discipline.  There is a consensus that there is a breakdown of discipline in society.  In order to curb this trend and bring things back on par, one has to begin by maintaining discipline in the home.

Boundaries have to be set and rules and regulations lay down by which children should abide.  This should begin from an early age.  Parents should ensure that children adhere to the rules irrespective of gender.  Too often, we monitor the girls while allowing the boys to roam free.  It is understandable that parents are concerned about their daughters, the fear of them getting pregnant and dropping out of school.  However, for a son there is an equal danger of him falling into the wrong crowd, doing drugs or getting involved in petty crimes.  He might be even brainwashed into believing that there is an easier way to make it in life and that is by selling drugs or getting involved in other illegal activities instead of working hard and staying in school.

The bling, bling, the flashy cars and expensive jewels may be hard for him to resist and once he gets a taste for that kind of life, it will be hard to convince him that there is a better way.  Therefore, mothers keep a reign on your boys.  Do not say he did not turn out right because his daddy was not around.  Get involved in their lives.  Get to know their friends.  Know the people with whom they are socializing.  Make sure they adhere to curfews and they are not hanging out all night on the street corners.  The dangers out there may be worse than that of getting pregnant.

Talk to your children, have an open line of communication.  Try to build trust between yourself and them.  Make them feel like it is okay to tell you anything.  They should be able to come to you with any problem that they might have, make them feel safe.  Encourage them to do their best in school.  Take an interest in their school life.  Make sure that they do their homework.  Talk to your children about the importance of having a career or learning a skill.  Although you should guide them in choosing the right career, the ultimate decision should be theirs.  There is no point in forcing a child to pursue a career that he or she is not happy doing.

There are instances where parents not having accomplished their own career dreams try to get their children to live out their dreams for them.  This of course is not a reasonable wish, it is their lives and they ought to be able to choose what it is that they want to do.

We should teach children to stand up for what they believe in and not to give in to peer-pressure.  They must learn to be responsible, to stay away from drugs and not to engage in promiscuous behavior.

The task of holding down a job and been a full time mom is not an easy one.  Can you imagine what it is like for those who are holding down two and three jobs in order to take care of their families?  This sometimes creates a situation where they do not have enough time to spend with their children.  Despite the stress of work and running a household parents have to find a way to spend quality time with their children.  You have to find time to sit and talk with your children allowing them the opportunity to talk about anything they might want to talk about with you.  When they have problems, you have to ensure that you find time to help them get through it.

In order that you do not become too overworked and burnt out, it might be a good thing to delegate the jobs around the house.  You could give each child a chore that he or she is able to perform competently.  With each child, helping in whatever way possible chores will complete much quicker.  This will not only teach children responsibility, but it also creates more time for the family to spend together.

You have to make time for the family to have fun together.  As the saying goes, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.  Children like having fun; they need amusement in their lives.  You could have movie night where the family goes out together.  You can go on picnics or go to the beach and visit local places of interest.  All this will have to be within the family budget.  If the family can afford to go out only once a month, so be it because there are other things the family can do together at home as a form of recreation.  You can have games night where you play games and have popcorn and ice cream for example.  This gives the children something to look forward to and make them realize that they can stay at home and still have fun.

No one has the ability to perform miracles, but it is imperative that mothers try to guide and steer their children in the right direction.  Once children begin at an early age to live a positive life-style the job of parenting as they become older will not be so daunting.  As the old saying goes, “You have to bend the tree while it is still young.”

As a single mother, you need to b careful not to indulge in self-pity. Do not go around looking as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulder.  There are thousand if not millions of women in a similar situation as you are.  In fact, you might find that some are in a far worse situation than you are.

There are times when out of frustration you will say things that can be interpreted in a wrong way.  You therefore need to be careful about what you say to your children.  Never say to the child, “If it was not for you I could have done this or that.”  I will leave the impression that the child is being blamed for something, which he or she had no control over in the first place.  Children need to feel that you love them and that they are wanted.  Do not say things that will have a negative impact.  Whatever your circumstances, never give your children the impression that you could have done better if it was not for them.

Do not throw your problems on your children because in time to come they will have their fair share of problems to deal with.  Let their childhood days be happy ones.  While they are still young, let them enjoy every moment of their childhood.

News and Views

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day.  Let us take this opportunity to salute all the wonderful moms out there.  Not only the biological mothers but to all of those who are mothers to  children that are not their own.  To all the mothers who have worked and have made a lot of sacrifices so that their children can have  good lives.   On this special day I wish for you all a very happy, peaceful and blessed day!!

 


A Thousand ThanksMother’s Day brings to mind
The thousands of things you did for me
that helped make me happier,
stronger and wiser,
because I had you as a role model.I’m grateful for all the times
you healed my hurts
and calmed my fears,
so that I could face the world
feeling safe and secure.I’m thankful for all you showed me
about how to love and give–
lessons that now bring
so many blessings to me
each and every day.Your sacrifices and unselfishness
did not go unnoticed, Mom.
I admire you, I respect you,
I love you.
And I’m so glad you’re my mother!Happy Mother’s Day!By Joanna Fuchs