ps. Often times women find themselves caught up in these situation. Take any threat on your life serious. If he says he will kill you, don’t convince yourself that he won’t. Seek help. Get out. Save yourself.
In many abusive relationships the abuse doesn’t start right away. In fact when he is pursuing you he may be so charming that you feel you have won a prize. It is when he gets comfortable with you and he believes he has you hooked that he begins to show his true colors.
If he begins to have problem with you having a relationship with your former friends and even relatives, he may not have your best interest at heart. Abusers love to have their victims isolated. That way when the abuse begins, you have no one to turn to.
If he hits you and tell you he is sorry and it won’t happen again, don’t believe him. If he could not control his temper in that instance, what is to stop him from losing control again. Each time you forgive him, you give him more power over you and sad reality is that he is grooming you to accept abuse in the relationship.
In today’s society the emphasis is often on getting a good education. We teach our children that this is important. You got to do well in high school; you have to do well in college, we tell them. However ever so often we don’t tell them how to cope in a world where all is not what it seems to be. We don’t tell them what they should never accept in relationships.
They go out there all dewy eyed and innocent thinking that being in love is nothing short of paradise and they can dive in without even questioning how deep the water is. Let’s have the conversation. Talk to your children about domestic abuse. Let them know that love is not supposed to hurt.
No one can envision him or herself in an abusive relationship. Most people feel it can never happen to them. So when they see the signs they ignore them or make excuses. However domestic violence is too serious an issue not to pay attention to the signs.
One of the first signs that your partner may be abusive is if he or she wants to alienate you from your family and friends. An abusive partner wants to know that you have no one to turn to for help when the abuse starts and alienating you from the people you care about is the first step in achieving that go. Watch out for this sign!
Domestic violence is nasty, it is ugly and ever so often children become victims. It is sad when the lives of children are cut short because they are dragged into situations that have nothing to do with them.
Earlier this month another angel went home. A three year old girl was burnt alive in a car with the doors chained shut, in Queens. According to reports both parents were in a custody battle. Against the mother’s wishes the court granted the father a weekend visit with the child. It is reported that he told the mother, “You will never see your daughter again.” She however did not think he would have hurt the child. In what was apparently intended as a murder suicide, at the last minute he got out of the car and left his daughter to perish.
There has to be another way to resolve problems in relationships. This type of violence and vindictiveness has to stop. No one owns anyone. If a relationship is not working out it is best to walk away, go separate ways. Inflicting pain is never the answer.
Your silence is the greatest weapon your abuser has to use against you. The longer you keep silent and accept abuse the more he will break you down and rob you of your self-esteem. Soon you will believe you can’t do any better, no one else is going to love you and a little love with abuse is better than no love at all. Stop! Do not believe his lies. You deserve better!
Domestic violence is a global issue. It affects women all over the world and despite efforts many women lose their lives to domestic violence each year. According to a UN report over 50,000 women lost their lives to intimate partners or family members in 2018. This tells us that a solution is nowhere in sight. A part of the problem is that the approach to domestic violence is somewhat like trying to put a bandaid on a wound that need stitches. Many people wait until their situation becomes unbearable before they seek help.
We must begin to take a more proactive approach to the fight against domestic violence. We must take domestic violence awareness into the classrooms. We have to start educating our young people of the ills of domestic violence before they engage in relationships. We have to teach our girls as well as boys that abuse is not an acceptable behavior in a relationship.
Women alone cannot bring about change. The police alone are not going to bring about change. The government alone cannot bring about change. Everyone has to get involved. We have to get more men on board. Many are against domestic violence. We need them to speak to other men about this issue. We also need to talk about in church and in the workplace. Let us rewrite the script. Abuse in a relationship is not okay. Let us with a collective voice say NO to domestic abuse.
Do you believe that if you truly love someone it means that you will love them no matter what? Now I know people have mixed views about what true love entails however one must be quick to understand that a healthy relationship involves two people having mutual love and respect for one another. It should never be a one-sided thing so don’t fall for that trap where a partner hurts you and then tell you that if you truly love you would forgive him. How about him loving you enough not to hurt you in the first place?
The belief that true love last forever and it is worth fighting for is one of the reason why women remain in abusive relationship hoping that the more love they show the abusive partner, the more likely it is that he will change. This is a belief that often leads to disappointment for no amount of love that you show him will make him change. He has to feel that deep love inside for you and respect you enough not to hurt you. They change that you seek can only come from him. You can’t make him change and you should never settle for abuse. It is okay not to love your abuser. It is okay to walk away.
Abuse of women is a form of human rights violationthat affects women just about every where in the world. Ironically one of the thing which contributes to abuse is the lack of unity among women and the fact that in some societies women actually take part in abusing other women. In places such as India and Pakistan mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws often beat and torture a new bride if they are not satisfied with the dowry that the family receives. There is no unity among the sisterhood and they see nothing wrong with hurting one of their kind.
In countries where Female Genital Mutilation is practiced, it is often the women who carry out this gruesome operation. In the Cameroon and other places that practice breast ironing it is the women who hurt their daughters and inflict physical as well as psychological scars. Women disfigure and hurt their daughters in what they say is an attempt to protect them from rape and harassment by men. These women fail to grasp the understanding that what they are doing is just another form of abuse. It is a no win situation for many young girls; if the men don’t hurt them, their mothers will.
One of the biggest obstacle in eliminating abuse against women worldwide is the fact that in many countries women have been conditioned to accept abuse as a part of life. Women suffer abuse inforced marriages and do nothing to protect their daughters from experiencing the same fate. So the vicious cycle of abuse is allowed to continue. For many young girls there is no escape, no way out. There is no one to stand up for them and no one to protect them.
The change must start with women taking responsibility for protecting their daughters instead of hurting them. Women must unity in the fight forequal rightsfor women. Young girls must no longer be denied the right to an education and they should not be forced into child marriages for which they are not prepared physically, mentally or emotionally. Women must understand that abuse of any form is not acceptable.
It is important for us as women to have enough courage to stand up for ourselves. This is a time for change, a time for us to stop accepting less than we deserve. We must stop mistaking abuse for love, and stop making excuses to cover up for an abusive partner. It is better to be alone and happy then to be in a relationship and constantly live in pain and fear.