Category: Relationships

Say NO to Physical Abuse

Warning Signs That Your Man Could be an Abuser

Violent Temper and Sudden Mood Changes

If your man display violent behavior and has problems controlling his temper when dealing with others, pay attention.  If he was abusive in a previous relationship, this is a warning sign that you should not ignore.  You must also note that when he hits you he may try to make light of the situation.  A friend of mine once  came to me complaining that his girlfriend had left him.  I of course asked him why.  He said they had gotten into and argument and he accidentally hit her.

As the saying goes there are two sides to every story.  His girlfriend who was also a friend of mine told me what really happened.  She had gone to a work related function and was late in returning home.  He had come in search of her and met her on her way back home.  Without any provocation, perhaps just being angry by the fact that she was late, he punched her.  The blow left her unconscious and regained consciousness in the hospital.  She left him.  He could have killed her.  She said she wasn’t going back because the next time she might not that lucky. She never took him back, and who could blame her?  Yet this is the mistake many women make, going back to their partners after being physically abused by them.

If he is loving and charming when people are around then becomes hostile and abusive when you are alone, do not ignore the changes in his behavior.  Abusive men pick the time and place to  carry out their abuse.  They are often very charming when others are around to observe them, but become a different person behind closed doors.  Some abusers seem to have split personality.  In public they have this desire to be seen as Mr. Nice guy and it is this nice guy attitude which might charm a woman into falling for him.  However when you are alone with him behind closed doors and you see his true character emerging, do not hesitate or second guess your self; end the relationship.  The longer you remain the more difficult it will be for you to extricate yourself.

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Say NO to Physical Abuse

Recognizing Warning Signs That Your Man Could be an Abuser

Women are often trapped in abusive relationships because they did not recognize or chose to ignore the warning signs.  Since it is often difficult to get out of these relationships it is very important for you to be aware of the negative behavior of your partner and end the relationship before he gets too much control over your life.

One of the first thing an abuser will try to is to control you.  He will try to make you abandon your family and friends for him.  He needs to get the feeling that he is number one in your life; that he means more to you than anyone else.  I recall a conversation I had with a friend of mine  (who we shall call Sharon) very abusive boyfriend.  Her family was upset about the way he was physically abusing her and was adamant that she should leave him.  I remember him saying to me ”Sharon isn’t going to leave me, she loves me.  She don’t care about her family.  She will do anything I tell her to do so they are just wasting their time.”  I recall him being very smug about it, so very sure of himself.

This is one of the first signs that you should learn to recognize.  If your partner is trying to separate you from your family and friends, pay close attention and ask yourself, why is he doing this?  It could be a situation of divide and conquer.  He could be setting the stage for abuse and by controlling you and alienating you from those who care about you, when the abuse begins you will have no one to turn to for help.  The first step therefore to not set yourself up for an abusive relationship is to make sure the relationship you have with your family and friends remain intact.

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Say No to Physical Abuse

 Violence against women and children is a problem faced by countries world-wide.  Data shows that up to 70 percent of women experience physical or sexual abuse in their lifetime.  The perpetrators are often husbands, intimate partners or someone they know.  Violence against women and children is perhaps one of the worst kind of human rights violation that we know today.  It is responsible for more deaths than cancer, malaria, traffic accident and war combined.  Domestic abuse occurs just about everywhere in society.  There is no race, class or socioeconomic barrier.  There is no country on this earth which can declare itself free from the scourge of domestic violence.

 Physical abuse occurs on a day-to-day basis in many homes but often times only get public attention when someone dies or is seriously injured.  In many domestic homicide it is usually a case of murder suicide.  Sometimes children in the household lose their lives while others are left orphans.  Domestic violence has a lasting negative effect on children.  According to UNICEF those who experienced childhood domestic violence are 50 times  more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, six times more likely to commit suicide, seventy-four times more likely to commit a serious crime against another and three more times likely to repeat the cycle.

This is a very serious situation which needs addressing.  A way must be found to break this vicious cycle.  We need to pay close attention to children and how these relationships affect them.  They need to understand that physical abuse in a  relationship is not healthy  and must not be accepted as the norm.     A healthy relationship is one in which people care for and treat each other right.  It is about loving one another not hurting each other.

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Relationships

 

Is it possible to stop loving someone you once truly loved?

The topic I am writing on today is up for debate and I am sure many of my readers views might be different from mine.   Some people believe that if you love someone you will continue to love that person no matter what and if you stop loving that person it means that you never truly loved them in the first place. The problem I have with this scenario is that it seems a bit one-sided.  The first question that comes to mind is what if that person you love don’t love you as much as you love him or her.  Even then that is not the real issue; what if the one you that love is constantly abusing you, physically and emotionally?  Isn’t there a possibility that at some point in time you might stop loving that person?  Some people will contend that you should still love the person but not the behavior but seriously how are you going to separate the two?

Love is an emotion and emotions do not necessarily remain constant except in a fairy tale world.  People and situations change and while in some cases couples are able to remain in love for a life time in a lot of other cases relationships just fail to work out.  That does not necessarily mean they did not love each other initially.  As we grow older we evolve and our needs change and if both parties are not in touch with each other needs the relationship can disintegrate.  There are times when dreams, hopes and expectations do not materialize and couples become disillusioned and bitter and blame each other, this  can destroy a relationship.

There is a high rate of divorce and many relationships fall apart over time but this does not mean that people might not have felt what they thought was true love for each other at some point in the relationship.  If a relationship doesn’t work out does that mean that both parties never truly loved each other?  What do you think?

 

RELATIONSHIPS

 

Think Before You Close the Door

Ι watched him walk through the door,
Without a backward glance,
My heart was breaking but my pride,
Would not allow me to beg him not to go.
The resounding slam of the door,
Was like a knife being thrust,
Deep into my heart,
Salty tears stung my eyes,
But I refused to cry.
He walked away and I was suddenly engulfed,
In a pool of emptiness,
The silence was deafening,
I could hear myself thinking,
Asking questions that might,
Forever remain unanswered.

Why did he leave me for another?
I gave him all my youth,
He basked in my beauty and warmth,
Told me love stories of how,
We would never be apart,
I was the love of his life he said,
No other could compare,
He said we would grow old together,
So why am I now the only one here?

He met her three months ago,
A sweet pretty girl, just twenty years old,
The same age as our daughter,
He could be her father!
Was it a case of midlife crisis,
Or just plain selfishness?
Twenty-five years devoted to this man,
And he threw it down the drain.

The months have passed by slowly,
My heart is healing,
It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.
He called me yesterday,
She left him, not at all surprised,
You know what he asked me?
If he could come back home!
What home I wondered?
I can still hear the resounding,
Slamming of the door,
It still echoed in my ears,
Reminding me that he had closed,
The chapter in the life we once shared.

I didn’t have to think about it,
Much as I love him,
My answer was no.
I said it loud,
I screamed it in his ears,
So there was no mistake about it,
He could clearly understand,
That was the last word,
He would hear from me,
It was the final goodbye.
Life goes on!

 

Relationships

In a relationship don’t be a user and never allow yourself to be used by anyone. If you are not genuinely in love with a person do not pretend that you are because the person you are with is very good at taking care of your financial needs. Sometimes people pretend they are in love and get married simply to get a Green Card and once they achieve that they dump the person and move on with someone else.

These people are users and both sexes are guilty of this at one time or another. I remember this good friend of mine who met this guy. Oh he was handsome and charming, not that well off financially but at the time that was not an issue. She was working and he was just entering college. For the first two years of college she was his main financial support, books, clothes, tuition, she was there for him and things were great between them. In his final year he began to withdraw, he stopped calling, stopped coming home on weekends and by the time he graduated he was gone completely from her life. He didn’t need her anymore!

This is only one example. There are men who have sent who have sent there partners through college only to have them dump them upon graduation. In relationships one has to be very careful. Supporting your partner is good but you need to look out for yourself as well. If he or she is going to college and you have not gone and is not in a job where you are financially secure, you might need to rethink your own future and own educational level. College and degrees change a lot of people. The moment some people get a degree they think they are better than you. Remember now I said some, because not everyone is like that.

They say love is blind so it is important that you do not become blinded by love for anyone that you are unable to see that someone is using you. Make sure the person you invest your time and money on is genuinely interested in you. Not many people handle rejection well, most people find it difficult to deal with. Make sure you are not one of those persons who invest heavily in your relationship and end up being rejected. Keep the relationship healthy, don’t be a user and don’t allow yourself to be used!

PARENTING and RELATIONSHIPS

Photographs on the Internet

 

Teenagers often fall victims to peer pressure and do stupid things that sometimes cause serious repercussions. Time and time again pictures of young girls in uncompromising positions have been plastered all over the internet. One would think that these girls would learn from the past mistakes of others, but surprisingly they keep making the same mistakes.

Most of the times these were private photographs taken by their boyfriend or sent to their boyfriends. Although in many of these cases it is not a situation where these girls were posing for money or for these photographs to get out there for the whole world to see, but this is what happens. The pictures hit the internet and everything that they did in private is now on display for the world to see.

Teenage girls need to understand the consequences of taking nude photographs. Number one you should not be allowing anyone to photograph you in the nude. Secondly if you take these photographs of yourself,it should be for your eyes only. Do not send anyone photographs which might be a cause for embarrassment. No not trust anyone that much because if these photographs get into the wrong hands you have no control over where they might show up.

 

Something of this nature happened yesterday. Nude photographs of some young girls from a very small Caribbean island were published on Facebook what was even more disturbing was the fact that these girls name were published underneath the photographs. Now we are talking about a very small country with a population of less than 35,000 people. It means that most of these people know each other. So can you image your embarrassment as a parent when you discover that your daughter happens to be one of the girls involved. In such a small population the impact is much greater.

By this morning the pictures were taken down, but the harm has already been done. In just a few more weeks schools will reopen. It is going to be embarrassing for these girls, their parents and the schools they are identified with. Parents warn you your daughters about allowing themselves to become victims of situations like this.

Women in general need to be careful about photographs they pose for whether it be for their boyfriends or husbands. Trust is good but never be too trusting. Some people can be very revengeful and will do things just to get back at you. A relationship goes bad, you leave him and bam! your photos are out there on the internet for the world to see. I have seen it happen. It has happened time and time again and women still keep doing it. Listen up ladies stop acting naive. It is a harsh world out there so stop doing things that you know is likely to cause you embarrassment.  Live life, Love, but in all that you do RESPECT yourself!

Relationships

 

 

Having a relationship and making it work is sometimes a very difficult job. Often times relationships fail because partners do not work hard enough to make the relationship work. Many people have the misconception that when you meet someone and fall in love you have reached that milestone and when you say the vows and the ring goes on, it is as if that coveted prize has been won. However do not be fooled because it is then when the real work begins, the job of making sure that the relationship works out. If both parties are committed despite the odds it can work out.

Relationships can become complicated for many reasons. In many relationships after a while partners begin to take each other for granted. Some become less expressive and ‘I love you or I care for you’ is heard a lot less. It doesn’t mean that they love their partner any less, it just seem like it is no longer important to let their partner know how they feel. They take it for granted that the other person should know. Telling your partner that you love him or her every once in a while will help to reassure that person that you care about him or her.

Do not make important decisions without consulting your partner first. Be supportive and encourage each other. Do not ridicule or be unduly critical of each other. Never say hurtful words to each other because once you say those words even when you regret saying them the truth is you can’t take them back. Even if you later apologize it does not mean that your partner will not still feel hurt by what you said. Remember the things you say during an argument can be a reflection of what you are really feeling inside, so be careful what you say.

At all times treat each other with respect. Be honest with each other and being honest also means being faithful to each other. If you no longer love the person and wants to end the relationship be upfront and honest and let your partner know. It might be painful but it is better to let them know rather to go seeing someone else behind their back. That will be even more painful when they find out. Think before you act. Remember it is not a good thing to mess with someone heart.

 

Relationships


Some people rely heavily on others for their happiness.  They invest a lot into their relationships and sometimes put themselves in a position where they become vulnerable.  Some people entire life revolve around their partners, they make them the center of their universe; they love them more than life itself.  This is a rather unhealthy and sometimes dangerous situation for when a relationship goes sour, these are the people who have difficulty coping.  Some even contemplate suicide at the prospect of having to live without their partner if a relationship ends.

It is good and healthy to love someone, however it is very important for you to love yourself also.  Never rely on someone else to see to your happiness because you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  Don’t allow yourself to get so wrapped up in someone else that life becomes meaningless without them.  Don’t ever contemplate taking your life because the man or woman you are with decides they don’t want to be with you anymore, because the only loser will be you.  When you end your life they will continue to live theirs.  Their life is not going to end just because you are no longer around!

Broken relationships can result in a lot of heartache and pain but it wont last forever.  When one door closes another one opens.  Keep a positive mind and who knows someone better will come along.  Life is precious so try and live it to the fullest.

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