October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Let’s get the conversation going.
An Open Letter to Men
From Women Against Domestic Violence
It is with tears in our eyes and fear for our lives that we pen this note to you. Domestic violence has taken the lives of many of our sisters leaving many of our homes broken and our children motherless.
Men we need you to understand that we are not the enemy so stop treating us like one. We give to you our love, our passion, our understanding and compassion, we trust you with our lives and all we ask is that you reciprocate and treat us right. Don’t see our love for you as a weakness, don’t leave us with cuts and bruises, don’t crush out our joy and leave us broken.
Men you need to understand that love is not supposed to hurt. If your love is causing your woman hurt then it means that you are doing something wrong. Any boy can hurt a woman but it takes a man to make her happy. So the next time you raise your hand to hit a woman stop and ask yourself am I a boy or am I a man. Treat women with love and respect….Be A Man!
Is he a Casanova?
Is the man you are thinking of dating a Casanova? Does he bounce from one relationship to another and his excuse is that he is searching for the right woman. Does he look so handsome and some damn fine that you want to be the one to reel him in and change his mindset… tame him so to speak.
Don’t waste your time. A man like that is rarely ever faithful and the lover that you think he is sometimes figment of your imagination because in truth he is nothing but a heart-breaker. He may have a lot of women but unable to keep them happy because it is hard for a woman to be happy when she knows she is sharing her man.
If he seems like a player and has been with multiple woman don’t waste your time on him because chances are that he is never going to change. He will take what you have to offer until he finds his next fling and he will keep moving on.
Controlling Men… Avoid Them
Falling in love can be a wonderful thing especially when the man appears to be everything that you desire. You may be so blindly in love with him that it takes a while for you to realize that he is trying to control your life.
He may be very subtle about it at first; for example it is okay for him to hang out with the guys but if you decide to hang out with your girlfriends he comes up with excuses why you should not go the chief among them being that he wants to spend quality time with you. You want to hang out with the girls but of course you are thrilled that he wants you home with him. That however is just the beginning, You have a family event to attend but on the day of the event he complains that he is feeling ill. He tells you it is okay for you to go but you feel guilt about leaving him alone so you stay not realizing that he is slowly manipulating and programming you to do exactly what he wants you to do.
Not all of them however go about controlling you by playing mind games. Some are rather aggressive and dictates to you exactly what he wants you to do. He may not want you to go out without him. He tells you what kind of clothes to wear and may make you throw out what he don’t want you to wear. He determines the friends you keep and makes you to disassociate yourself from those he doesn’t like.
If you try to question his actions he may try to control you with threats and instill fear in you so you have no choice but to obey him because you are afraid of the consequences if you don’t. This is the worst kind of control because when you give in to fear it gives him the ultimate power over you and keeps you trapped in the relationship. He feeds on your fear. It boosts his ego because he knows he has you exactly where he wants you.
If your partner is physically abusive as well as controlling you could be faced with a big problem if you decide to leave. He needs to be in control and when you leave it means he is no longer in control. Even the non aggressive controlling partner may become physical if you try to leave. He needs to have this control and will try to keep it by whatever means necessary. He does not believe in the saying, “If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you then it was meant to be.”
A controlling partner may feel that if he can’t have you then no one else can. If he tells you this do not for one moment believe that he is just joking. Many women have lost their lives after ending controlling relationships. In killing the woman the man maintains his control and he is often prepared to take his own life so no own gets to be in control of his fate.
To avoid these catastrophic endings or to avoid being trapped in an unhealthy relationship it is best to look out for the signs. Do not allow yourself to be so blinded by love that you fail to recognize them. It is always best to walk away before he gets too much control.
In a relationship don’t be a user and never allow yourself to be used by anyone. If you are not genuinely in love with a person do not pretend that you are because the person you are with is very good at taking care of your financial needs. Sometimes people pretend they are in love and get married simply to get a Green Card and once they achieve that they dump the person and move on with someone else.
These people are users and both sexes are guilty of this at one time or another. I remember this good friend of mine who met this guy. Oh he was handsome and charming, not that well off financially but at the time that was not an issue. She was working and he was just entering college. For the first two years of college she was his main financial support, books, clothes, tuition, she was there for him and things were great between them. In his final year he began to withdraw, he stopped calling, stopped coming home on weekends and by the time he graduated he was gone completely from her life. He didn’t need her anymore!
This is only one example. There are men who have sent who have sent there partners through college only to have them dump them upon graduation. In relationships one has to be very careful. Supporting your partner is good but you need to look out for yourself as well. If he or she is going to college and you have not gone and is not in a job where you are financially secure, you might need to rethink your own future and own educational level. College and degrees change a lot of people. The moment some people get a degree they think they are better than you. Remember now I said some, because not everyone is like that.
They say love is blind so it is important that you do not become blinded by love for anyone that you are unable to see that someone is using you. Make sure the person you invest your time and money on is genuinely interested in you. Not many people handle rejection well, most people find it difficult to deal with. Make sure you are not one of those persons who invest heavily in your relationship and end up being rejected. Keep the relationship healthy, don’t be a user and don’t allow yourself to be used!