Tag: Interpersonal relationship

Relationships : Women Taking Control

Dealing With Infidelity 

Are you in a relationship where you feel like you are giving one hundred percent and he is only giving fifty?  That is probably because he is giving another woman that other fifty.  Infidelity is one of the major cause of problems in relationships.  There is a tendency for both of the sexes to cheat and when there is no trust in a relationship it is destined for failure.
As a woman how do you deal with the fact that your partner is cheating on you?  Do you confront him, make him know you won’t stand for it, give him an ultimatum wherein he had to choose you or go out the door?  Or are you so afraid you might lose him that you turn a blind eye, suffer silently and tell yourself that you would rather share him than lose him?  The fact is if you are sharing him with someone else you are half-way on the road to losing him anyway.  What is the point in prolonging your unhappiness?
You might be so afraid of losing him that you try to convince yourself that you can deal with it.   But why lie to yourself?  You lie awake at night wondering where he is, who he is with and what he is doing.  You want to feel his arms about you but the space beside you is empty and you know in your heart that he is with someone else.  You cry yourself to sleep knowing you have to let him go but not having the courage to do it.
Women often feel they need a man even when that man turns out to be a source of unhappiness.  The truth is you don’t need someone in your life who is making you unhappy.  You cannot rely on someone else to make you happy.  You are the author and creator of your happiness.  You cannot leave it in someone else’s hands!
If a man loves, respect and cares about his woman, chances are he will not cheat on her.  If he does not love, care for and respect you then you need to let him go.  There are times in life when you have to compromise but this is not one of those times.  If he is cheating on you and refuses to stop you need to show him the door because you don’t need him anymore than he needs you.  You certainly do not need to put yourself at risk for STD’s especially HIV and AIDS.  If you man is playing around he is not just messing with your heart, he could be messing with your life as well.
In my next post I will tell you about one woman who compromised and paid for it with her life.  Be wise, stay strong , love yourself and accept nothing less than you deserve!  Take control of your relationship today!
Related articles

Stop Abuse of Women

Abuse of women is a form of human rights violation that affects women just about every where in the world.  Ironically one of the thing which contributes to   abuse is the lack of unity among women and the fact that in some societies women actually take part in abusing other women.  In places such as India and Pakistan mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws often beat and torture a new bride if they are not satisfied with the dowry that the family receives.  There is no unity among the sisterhood and they see nothing wrong with hurting one of their kind.

In countries where Female Genital Mutilation is practiced, it is often the women who carry out this gruesome operation.  In the Cameroon and other places that practice breast ironing it is the women who hurt their daughters and inflict physical as well as psychological scars.  Women disfigure and hurt their daughters in what they say is an attempt to protect them from rape and harassment by men.  These women fail to grasp the understanding that what they are doing is just another form of abuse.  It is a no win situation for many young girls; if the men don’t hurt them, their mothers will.

One of the biggest obstacle in eliminating abuse against women worldwide is the fact that in many countries women have been conditioned to accept abuse as a part of life.  Women suffer abuse in forced marriages and do nothing  to protect their daughters from experiencing the same fate.  So the vicious cycle of abuse is allowed to continue.  For many young girls there is no escape, no way out.  There is no one to stand up for them and no one to protect them.

The change must start with women taking responsibility for protecting their daughters instead of hurting them.  Women must unity in the fight for equal rights for women.  Young girls must no longer be denied the right to an education and they should not be forced into child marriages for which they are not prepared physically, mentally or emotionally.  Women must understand that abuse of any form is not acceptable.

Stop Abuse Of Women

Honor Killings

 

The horrors of honor killings continues.  Late last year a seventeen year old Pakistan girl miraculously cheated death.  Her attacker was her own brother.  Gul Meena life of misery began at the age of twelve when she was married off to a man old enough to be her grandfather.

She says, “My husband was sixty.  Everyday he would beat me.  I would cry and beg him to stop, but he kept on beating me.”  Her family was not very supportive.  “My family would hit me when I complain,” she said.  “They told me you belong in your husband’s house, it is your life.

After five years of abusive Gul Meena met a young Afghan man and finally found the courage to leave her abusive husband in Pakistan.  In November 2012 she packed some of her things and they made their was across the border to the city of Jalalabad in Afghanistan.  She knew what she was doing was dangerous.  Running away from her husband with another man was committing the ultimate sin.   But she was tired of the life she was living.

“I tried to kill myself with poison several times but it didn’t work,” she said.  “I hated my life.  I had to escape.

Days later her older brother tracked them down.  Using an ax he hacked to death Gul Meena’s friend and then struck her fifteen times cutting open her face head and other parts of her body.  Believing that she was dead he escaped back to Pakistan.  The authorities are yet to catch him and his family denies that he tried to kill his sister.

Passersby hearing the commotion discovered Gul lying in a pool of blood in bed and rushed her to the Emergency Department of Nangarhar Regional Medical Centre.  Part of her brain was hanging out of her skull.  Neurosurgeon Zamiruddin Khalid held out little hope that she would survive.  She had lost a lot of blood and her injuries were horrific.  But by some act of God she defeated death and survived.

Even then her troubles were not over; she had received life-saving treatment from doctors and staff at the hospital but she had no one to care for her on the outside.  Gul had been disowned by her family and despite the government and authorities knowing that she was alive and receiving care at the hospital, they wanted nothing to do with her due to the stigma and circumstances surrounding her attack.

She stayed in the hospital for two months thanks to the generosity of doctors who donated money to pay for her medicine.  Finally the organization Women for Afghan women were informed of her situation. They took her in, transporting her back to a shelter in Kabul to give her the love and care she so badly needed.

Gul Meena is one of the thousands of women living in shelters across Afghanistan.  Many of them are victims of attempted honor killings.

Stop Abuse of Women

Punished for Being Beautiful
She is beautiful and she is so afraid,
In a perfect world her beauty would be a blessing,
But in her world it is something of a curse.
Boys will look at her,
Men will lust after her,
And for this she is punished.
Hot, searing iron is thrust into her breasts,
Her womanhood has to be disguised,
She is told It is for her own protection.
She carries the horror of this torture in her heart,
She wonders who will protect her,
From the pain of the hot iron being thrust into her breasts.
Who will protect her from the psychological scars
And from the physical pain,
Who will protect her from the distress
When she looks in the mirror and sees
Her scarred disfigured breasts.
She cries silently into her pillow
And she wonders is her pain will ever end.

 

Stop Abuse of Women

Honor Killings

An honor killing is the killing of a member of a family or social group by other members who believe that the victim has brought dishonor upon the family or the community.  In countries such as India where there is little respect for the lives of women, a woman can be killed for simple things such as dressing in a manner which is deemed in appropriate, wanting to terminate or prevent an arranged marriage, desiring to marry by her own choice or engaging in sex outside of marriage.
Women’s rights activists say India’s police are not doing enough to tackle the problem of ‘honor killings’.  Many times the police do not take complaints by the victims seriously.  They do not provide protection for the victims and this boosts the morale of the culprits; they take the law into their own hands.
What is ironic is that simple things that women do are considered sins but the murdering of women is not.  Apparently in the eyes of these perpetrators killing is okay if the victim is a woman.
 The public beheading of a woman by his brother in Kolkata last December highlights the lack  of respect for the lives of women in India.  This incident on December 7, 2012, was another honor killing.  Nilofar Bibi 22, at the time of her death was only fourteen years old when she left home in an arranged marriage.  Bibi alleged that she was tortured by her in-laws and returned to her parents on November 28 but disappeared days later.
Her brother Mehtab Alam 29, found his sister living with an old boyfriend.  He stormed into the house and dragged Bibi into the street in broad daylight.  Passersby watched in horror as he cut off his sister’s head while saying  she had sinned  and had to be punished.  He left his sister’s body in a pool of blood on the road and calmly walked to the police station with her head in his hand to surrender himself.  He walked into the police station and placed the head of his sister and the butcher knife he used to decapitate her on a table in front of the police officer.
The sibling’s family expressed support for Alam saying they were proud he upheld their honor.
I am at a loss to understand what honor this young man upheld.  Honor is protecting and defending the women in your family.  Honor is defending and protecting your sister when the man who  should love and protect her is abusing her.  There is nothing honorable about killing a defenseless woman especially a member of your own family – your sister.  It is a shameful and dishonorable act which must be condemned.  There can be no honor in taking a human life.

Happy International Women’s Day

Happy International Women’s Day to all the women around the world. As we celebrate this day let us all stand in solidarity to put an end to abuse against women. We must say no to Female Genital Mutilation, Child Marriages, Dowry Killings, Breast Ironing, Rape, Domestic Abuse and all other forms of abuse against women.  It is time for governments around the world to properly enforce the laws to protect women.  It is time for not just talk but for action as well.

 

Stop Abuse of Women

Dowry Killings

Dowry is a payment of cash or gift from the family of the bride to the bridegroom’s family upon marriage.  The 1961 Dowry Prohibition Act, makes the payment of dowry illegal in India, but the practice continues, putting great financial strain on the bride’s family. The size of the dowry is usually seen as a reflection of wealth.  Because of the dowry system the birth of a girl is considered a curse and girls are considered as burdens.  This has given rise to growing cases of female foeticide.  Thousands of girls are killed never getting the chance to make it from their mother’s womb alive.

In 2010 there were 8391 reported cases of dowry deaths in India.  Women’s right groups estimate the annual dowry killing to be around 900 in Delhi alone.   A dowry killing occurs when a new bride is murdered by her husband or in-laws.  When the dowry is not considered sufficient the bride is often abused, harassed and made miserable.  This can get to the point where the husband or his family burn the bride alive.  They often do this by pouring kerosene on her and lighting it.  These killings are often reported as accidents or suicide.  Driven by greed the choice to kill the bride rather than return her to her parents ensures that the in-laws will not have to return the dowry.  The very sad part in all of the is that the bride is dead while the groom is free to take himself another bride.

Related articles

Happy Valentines Day Everyone

Love fires burn a tender flame,
Inextinguishable,
No matter the storm or rain,
A small spark,
A slow flame,
And then a blazing furnace,
When love fires burn.
Forest fires will eventually go out,
A candle will burn itself out,
The coal in the fireplace will go out,
Love fires once lit,
Will burn to eternity,
Love fires never go out.
Related articles

 

Stop Abuse of Women

Stories of Abuse In India

In July of last year a man was arrested for keeping his wife genitals locked.    Sohanlal Chouhan drilled holes on both sides of his wife genitals and before he went to work each day would insert a small lock and put the keys under his socks. The lock was discovered my medical staff at a hospital where his wife was admitted after swallowing rat poison in an attempt at committing suicide.  They were unable to give Mrs. Chouhan proper medical care until her husband provided them with the key to unlock the padlock.  He was charged with cruelty and causing grievous injury.

Stop Abuse of Women

Until the rape and subsequent death of a young woman in India last December, I was somewhat unaware of the atrocities taking place against women in that country.  I was unaware of the fact that India was considered as the worst place to be a woman.  I was not aware of how badly Indian women are treated or that rape was a part of ever day life there.
Incidence of rapes and other crimes against women is of epidemic proportion in India.  It appears that not enough is being done by the Government to protect the rights of women.  This is not surprising since every major political party has fielded and continues to field candidates facing criminal charges of rape harassment and other crimes against women.
It has been reported that in the last five years India’s leading political parties have offered tickets to 27 candidates accused of rape and 260 candidates facing charges of assault, harassment and other crimes against women.
Rape is not treated as a serious crime in India and even the police whose job it is to protect the innocent is a part of the problem.  The women have no one they can trust.
People should lead by example and in a situation where those who lead and those who are to protect becomes a part of the problem what message is that sending to the general population.
To bring about change in India it is going to take a whole cultural change, starting with equality among the sexes. Girls are groomed to be good wives, not independent women with their own careers.  Their most important role is to produce children.  They are often treated as objects who should remain pure and be controlled.
Many girls are forced into marriages and some are even murdered by their own parents.  Mothers often make excuses for their sons when they commit heinous crimes against girls.  The change has to begin with women raising their sons to have respect for women instead of making excuses for them