Tag Archives: Interpersonal relationship

Stop Abuse of Women

You are Not His Property

We are living in the twenty-first century but what progress as people can we say we have made when men are keeping women enslaved. This is not about race, color or class. Women from every area of society have at one point or another found themselves subjected to abuse from men. Age is of little relevance, as long as you are a woman you are at risk.

In spite of human rights laws and legislation little girls mere children themselves are married off to grown men, sentenced to a life of hard labor and abuse with no hope of an education. In some instances once married the woman becomes the property of the man. She has no voice, she has no say. He is her lord and master and his every command she must obey. As his property he happiness is not important. Her job is to make him happy and take care of his every need.

It is time for women to stop accepting less than they deserve. In some abusive relationship when ask why they stay a woman may respond “I love him.” You may love the man but while you are busy loving him who is loving you? In reality a woman does not need a man anymore than he needs her. You may feel hurt, disappointed, betrayed and lonely but at the end of the day you are alive and life goes on.

Sometimes, somewhere out there something good is waiting for you but if you remain trapped in an unhappy relationship you will never experience it. Don’t be like a welcome mat and allow him to walk all over you. The change will come only when women begin to stand up for themselves and say enough is enough.

 

An Inspirational Story

DON’T WE ALL
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come 
from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. 
Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would 
consider a bum. 
From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no 
money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times 
that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t 
want to be bothered times.” 
“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought. 
He didn’t. 
He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look 
like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. 
After a few minutes he spoke. 
“That’s a very pretty car,” he said. 
He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly 
blond beard keep more than his face warm. 
I said, “thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never 
came. 
As the silence between us widened something inside said, “ask him if 
he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes” but I held true 
to the inner voice. 
“Do you need any help?” I asked. 
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. 
We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from 
those of higher learning and accomplishments.

 I expected nothing but an 
outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me. 
“Don’t we all?” he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum 
in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge 
shotgun. 
Don’t we all? 
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I 
needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus 
fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those 
three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter 
how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you 
have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or 
a place to sleep, you can give help.

Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that. 
You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. 
They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different 
perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from 
daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see. 
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe 
he was more than that.

Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and 
wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.

 Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.” 
Don’t we all?
Author Unknown

Never judge someone because of how they look because you don’t know what is in someone’s heart or mind.  We are more alike than we realize and at some point in time we all need help in one way or another.

A Moment of Reflection

Life is what you make it and if you are not satisfied with the life you are living that it is up to you to try and do something about it.  Some people go through life like a breeze.  For others it is a daily struggle.  There are so many negative factors trying to drag you down.  You have to try and keep your sanity and your head afloat so you do not find yourself drowning in the problems that life throws at you.

You may be dissatisfied with your job. You may be dissatisfied with the way your relationship is going.  You may have children who disrespect you and friends who betray you. That is just one side of the coin.  On the other hand you may have a job that you love, a man who respects you and children who adore you.  You may also have friends who will stand by you and have your back when you need their help. 

The thing is, in life we wont always have it all.  So we have to count our blessings and be thankful for what we have. We are not going to have sunshine all the time.  There are going to be those cloudy days. We are not going to have it good all the time for there are times when problems will come along.  We have to take it all in stride and remember that although life may not be always perfect it is the more precious gift we have and we should cherish every moment of it.

Stop Abuse of Women

Extreme Jealousy – Another Sign to Watch Out For

It is nice to know that someone loves you and that he may be a little jealous when other men focus too much attention on you.  However when he is jealous to the point where he believes you are having a relationship with every man you talks to, it becomes a problem.  A little jealousy in a relationship is normal but extreme jealousy is unhealthy.  It also shows that your partner may find it difficult to trust anyone.

He is jealous of the relationship you have with your male co-workers or any male for that matter.  He constantly accuses you of sleeping with other men and manufactures affairs where none exists.  He checks your phone records to see who you talk to. He watches you every move and keep tabs on you because he needs to know exactly where you are throughout the day.  His insane jealousy and constant accusations will in time cause you much unhappiness and drain you emotionally.

Extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity and a jealous partner may get to the point where he refuses to let you out of his sight.  He is suspicious when there is no reason for suspicion.  A man may even physically abuse his woman because in his head she is cheating although technically she is not.  Do not ignore signs of extreme jealousy in a partner.  Jealousy can be a reason for murder to take place and many women have lost lives at the hands of jealous partners.

If your partner is extremely jealous it may be best to walk away from the relationship for your safety and peace of mind.

 

Say NO to Physical Abuse

He hits you and then says he is sorry.  Another sign  that he is an Abuser!

The first time he hits you or hurt you in any way physically give yourself a reality check.  You need to ask yourself if he loses his temper or get angry for whatever reason does this mean he is going to lash out at you?

After he hits you he may be full of remorse.  He will apologize, tell you how sorry he is and that it will never happen again.  When he hits you the second time, you would have known by this time that he lied and  that it is likely to happen again.

Do not allow yourself to be fooled by his profuse apologies.  Some abusers can be very emotional.  Do not be surprised if he cries and begs you to forgive him.  He will beg for your forgiveness and try to convince you that it will never happen again.  However the abuse will continue unless you remove yourself from the situation.

I recall a friend of mine leaving her abusive boyfriend after he had beaten her badly.  He was very upset about the fact that she had left and went on a mission trying to find her.  I went with him because I wanted to be there for her in case he found her and decided to get nasty.  After visiting two of her relatives home and not finding her he became very emotional and broke down crying.  He said he didn’t know what he would do if she left him for good.  He said he really loved her and he was willing to do anything she asked him to, even go to therapy.  I asked him “If you love her so much why do you keep beating her?  His response was “I don’t know but I promise if she comes back I will never hit her again.”

I remember watching the tears rolling down his cheek and thinking that if I didn’t know better I would almost feel sorry for him.  I was not fooled by his tears.  As it turned out she was staying at a third relative we went that day but he never saw her.  I had a feeling she was there so the minute he parked I ran ahead of him to the house.  When I saw her I could only manage four words, “He is coming hide!”   She did not hesitate but did as I told her.  My mission accomplished I then managed to convince him that she was not there

However a few weeks later he found he and somehow managed to convince her to give him another chance.  Of course the moment she went back to him all his promises of going to therapy and not hitting her again soon went out the window.  He kept abusing her until she decided she had had enough and finally left him for good.  Incidentally she was not the first person to suffer abuse at his hands.

 Do not be fooled my empty promises.  Do what is best for you and so NO to physical abuse.  Please bear in mind that the longer you remain in an abusive relationship the more difficult it is going to be for you to leave.  You have to get out the moment the abuse start! 

Stop Abuse of Women

One Sign That he may be an Abuser  “ISOLATION”

A majority of women get into relationships having no idea that their intended partners are abusers.  This happens because you cannot tell that a man is an abuser simply by looking at him.  He often appears to be your regular nice guy.  He puts on the charm.  He wines and dine you and make you feel important.  He says the right words that you want to hear.

However charming he may appear at first be careful and take nothing for granted.  Keep your eyes open for any warning signs that he may not be all that he wants you to believe that he is because he could be an abuser.

One of the first signs to watch for is ‘Isolation’.  One of the first things he may try to do is isolate you from your friends and relatives.  If he wants you to cut ties with your friends don’t for one moment believe that he is thinking of your best interest.  If he tries to keep you away from your family or try to make you choose between your family and him be warned; he is up to no good.  He could be setting the stage for abuse!

When he gets you in a position where you are isolated from your family and friends it gives him power over you because when the abuse starts you will find yourself alone with no one to come to your aid and that is exactly what he wants.  Do not ignore that first clue!

The Simon Cowell Affair

A lot of people tend to idolize celebrities and put them on pedestals.  To me they are no more special than the rest of us except for the fact that they have more money and are able to live a more luxurious lifestyle.  This however does not necessarily  make their lives more fulfilling or happier than the regular man in the street and it certainly does not make them any smarter.

One would have thought that if Simon was going to have an affair with his friend’s wife they both would have been more careful about getting caught.  It is quite evident that people will be people regardless of social standing and they will make the same mistakes as anyone else.

Even if a man might try to turn a blind eye to the fact that his wife is being unfaithful, he cannot ignore it when a baby comes into the picture and the other man is the father.  To make matters even worse that man was once his very good friend.  That is the ultimate betrayal.

Will Simon stick around and help to raise this child?  Only time will tell.  However there is one thing we can be sure about and that is the press is going to have a field day with this one.  This story is not going to fade away anytime soon.  In fact they will be counting down the months until this child is born and then the drama will continue.  This story is  not about to die away anytime soon.

 

Honor Killing on American Soil

When people migrate they leave their countries behind but often times they take their culture and traditions with them.  They aggressively try to enforce their beliefs and continue to live by the traditions that they are accustomed to even it is not in keeping with what others would consider to be normal behavior.
The idea of Honor Killing is deeply embedded in certain societies and family honor is more important than life itself.  In most instances there is a gross misrepresentation of the word ‘Honor’.  Usually it is the woman in the family who has to sacrifice her happiness to uphold the family honor.
Let us look at the following scenario:  A girl is forced to marry a man almost twice her age.  He beats her, sexually abuse and tortures her.  Yet if she leaves her abusive husband it will be looked upon as bringing disgrace on the family by  people who are obsessed with maintaining family honor.  She is therefore expected to live a life of misery and suffer silently because her family believes this is the honorable thing to do.
Families will go to the extreme to maintain their family honor.  It is therefore not surprising that on October 20, 2009 Faleh Hassan Almaleki  a native of Iraq living in Glendale Arizona mowed down his twenty year-old daughter Noor Almaleki in what was  considered a honor attack.  Noor died as a result of the injuries she sustained.
Her crime?  Her father felt she had become “too westernized”; he was also angry that she had left the man she married in Iraq and returned to Arizona to live with her boyfriend and his mother.  Faleh felt his daughter had brought disgrace on the family and took matters in his own hands.  He became judge, jury and executioner.  The punishment for her transgressions was death and he executed her punishment by running her over in his Jeep Cherokee.  Her boyfriend’s mother also suffered injuries in the attack.
After the attack he fled the country, driving to Mexico and taking a plane to London.  He was detained by British Police and extradited back to the US.  In February 2011 a Phoenix jury found him guilty of second degree murder in the death of his daughter.  He was also convicted of aggravated assault for injuries suffered by the mother of his daughter’s boyfriend in the 2009 attack.
For those who continue to practice this monstrous act I hope the day will come when they will realize that they are the one bringing disgrace on the family.  In a normal society family member don’t go around killing each other.  Even animals form packs to defend and protect their kind.  There is nothing honorable about being a murderer! There is nothing honorable about taking the life of someone especially the people around you whom you should love and protect.       It is the murderer in the family who should be seen as bringing disgrace on the family.

 

Four Year-old Murdered

Jealousy is being blamed for the murder of four year-old Natasha Brown of Duanvale, Trewlany in Jamaica on Tuesday May 28.  Her decapitated body was retrieved from a 10-ft deep sink hole in the community on Wednesday.  A woman who is said to be the ex-lover of the dead child’s father was taken into custody after she reportedly confessed to the killing and later led investigators to the sink hole late Tuesday evening.

The child’s father Baldwin Brown admitted ending a relationship with the accused woman five months ago.  “I simply can’t believe it,” he said.  “How can someone do this to a child?”

Four year-old Natasha never showed up for school Tuesday morning and she was reportedly seen in the company of the  woman.  Later that morning the accused killer was reportedly seen carrying a crocus bag towards the sink hole.  She reportedly told someone she was going to dump the remains of a dead animal.  When news circulated that Natasha was missing the police were informed of the woman’s activities.  When the accused woman who was reportedly angry with the child’s father for ending the relationship, was located she reportedly confessed to killing the child and led police to the sink hole.

With fire fighters and the police having difficulty accessing the sinkhole as night approached on Tuesday the search was called off until Wednesday morning.  Shortly after 10 a. m. a resident was lowered into the sinkhole and he retrieved the body and the head which was severed.

The accused woman is said to have four children of her own.  Meanwhile the child’s mother was reported to be in a state of shock.

RELATIONSHIPS : Women Taking Control

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In 1994 someone that I knew very well died. She was a young woman still in the prime of her life and there was much for her to live for. She was a good mother and devoted partner. Perhaps she was too much of a devoted partner. Although she was aware that her partner was cheating on her she opted to remain in the relationship. He was having relationships with women inside and outside of her community. He fathered children that she knew about. It was no secret; he was a Casanova.

She could have left this man. He lived at her home, she could have packed his belongings and told him to go. A part of the reason she remained was that she wanted her children to have their father in their life another reason was the fact that she loved this man unconditionally in spite of everything.

He traveled a lot and he lived overseas for a period of time. He returned home and married her. It should have been a happy time but shortly after that he became ill while overseas and died. At the time it was now clear what had caused his death. At his funeral another woman turned up claiming to be his wife. Even in death she was having to deal with another woman.

About two years later she too became ill. After many doctor visits and many tests she was finally tested for HIV.  Her results came back positive. Her health rapidly went down hill after that. She was a voluptuous woman but in a matter of months the disease reduced her to skin and bones. I recall visiting her looking at her lying in bed just a shell of her former self and I couldn’t help thinking this disease is really a killer.

She was in good spirit. There was no bitterness, no blame, no self-pity. She accepted her fate, accepted the fact that she was going to die. She wanted me to run my hand through her hair. She spoke lovingly of him…how she used to love when he run his hand through her hair. She was not angry. I could see that she had forgiven him. I was so moved by her that I wrote this poem in her memory:

A Tribute to Someone Special

I saw, not for the first time,
Traces of tears mirrored in your eyes,
But the tears lost, for you did not,
Once let go of the smile,
I saw quite clearly the pain,
You did not try to disguise,
And a part of me grieved,
And inside I wept.

You who gave love to one and all,
And mothered those who weren’t,
even your own,
I ask myself, how can someone,
Who has given so much love,
Bear so much pain?

I saw you, a strong tower,
A great mountain, unshaken, unmoved,
A woman like Job,
And like Job you bore the things,
That were unjustly thrust upon you.

The passing of the years multiplied,
Your sorrow and your pain,
And yet you did not complain,
I saw in you no bitterness,
No revenge, no regrets, no hate.

I looked at you and I marveled,
Surely, you were no ordinary woman,
You must have been an angel,
Sent down from heaven,
Taking the form of a woman,
I don’t know, but wherever you are,
I just want you to know,
You must be someone special!

Sometimes the decisions we make in life with all the right intention are not necessarily the right ones.  In this particular situation both parents died and the children were left orphans.  In a relationship you can’t change your partner.  You can encourage him to change.  You can give him reasons why he should change but ultimately the final decision is his to make.  You have two options accept his lifestyle or leave him!  Do not stay tied down in a relationship and tell yourself if I leave him I won’t be able to take of the children by myself.  Have enough faith to believe that God will see you through.  If he went out and got hit by a truck and died wouldn’t you have to go on with your life?

Ending a relationship is never an easy decision but at some point in life you have to take control and decide what is best for you!