Tag: Relationship

Relationships : Women Taking Control

Dealing With Infidelity 

Are you in a relationship where you feel like you are giving one hundred percent and he is only giving fifty?  That is probably because he is giving another woman that other fifty.  Infidelity is one of the major cause of problems in relationships.  There is a tendency for both of the sexes to cheat and when there is no trust in a relationship it is destined for failure.
As a woman how do you deal with the fact that your partner is cheating on you?  Do you confront him, make him know you won’t stand for it, give him an ultimatum wherein he had to choose you or go out the door?  Or are you so afraid you might lose him that you turn a blind eye, suffer silently and tell yourself that you would rather share him than lose him?  The fact is if you are sharing him with someone else you are half-way on the road to losing him anyway.  What is the point in prolonging your unhappiness?
You might be so afraid of losing him that you try to convince yourself that you can deal with it.   But why lie to yourself?  You lie awake at night wondering where he is, who he is with and what he is doing.  You want to feel his arms about you but the space beside you is empty and you know in your heart that he is with someone else.  You cry yourself to sleep knowing you have to let him go but not having the courage to do it.
Women often feel they need a man even when that man turns out to be a source of unhappiness.  The truth is you don’t need someone in your life who is making you unhappy.  You cannot rely on someone else to make you happy.  You are the author and creator of your happiness.  You cannot leave it in someone else’s hands!
If a man loves, respect and cares about his woman, chances are he will not cheat on her.  If he does not love, care for and respect you then you need to let him go.  There are times in life when you have to compromise but this is not one of those times.  If he is cheating on you and refuses to stop you need to show him the door because you don’t need him anymore than he needs you.  You certainly do not need to put yourself at risk for STD’s especially HIV and AIDS.  If you man is playing around he is not just messing with your heart, he could be messing with your life as well.
In my next post I will tell you about one woman who compromised and paid for it with her life.  Be wise, stay strong , love yourself and accept nothing less than you deserve!  Take control of your relationship today!
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Happy International Women’s Day

Happy International Women’s Day to all the women around the world. As we celebrate this day let us all stand in solidarity to put an end to abuse against women. We must say no to Female Genital Mutilation, Child Marriages, Dowry Killings, Breast Ironing, Rape, Domestic Abuse and all other forms of abuse against women.  It is time for governments around the world to properly enforce the laws to protect women.  It is time for not just talk but for action as well.

 

Say No to Child Brides

Child Brides in Niger

She is just eleven years old, she has yet to get her first period and already she is  a wife.  Adulthood is forced upon her.  She is not prepared for this physically, mentally or emotionally.  Her hopes and dreams of staying in school and getting an education is shattered.  Her dreams does not matter nor does her happiness.  Her parents have received a dowry and now she is married to a man older than her father.  Still a child, afraid and confused knowing nothing about sex or marriage and the duties of a wife, she will be forced to have sexual intercourse with a grown man.  She will suffer the agony of having her childhood stolen from her and suffer even more through pregnancy and childbirth and there is a possibility that she will die giving birth.
Stripped of her freedom she lives at the mercy of her husband and in-laws.  She is often treated like a domestic slave, ill treated by her in-laws and raped by her husband if she resist his advances for sex.  Her tears goes unnoticed, her eyes mirrors her pain.  For her there is little hope, she has nothing to smile about, all she can do is try and endure the life that has been forced upon her.  All of this seems like something from a movie, but it is not, it is real.  It is the daily life of child brides around the world.  In cultures of ignorance and poverty the children suffers.  One such place is Niger
Niger has one of the highest rate of child marriages in the world; 75 percent of girls are married before the age eighteen and many are subjected to a life of domestic and sexual slavery.  In Niger the  problem is not just the fact that there are child brides but that some of these brides are in fact sold into slavery. ‘Wahaya’ is the term used for girls and women who are sold as fifth wives to men.   In Niger men are allowed to have four legal wives and any number of fifth wives.
For these girls and women who are bought as fifth wives, no marriage ceremony takes place and girls do not benefit from any of the legal rights and protection that legal wives have.  They are treated as domestic and sexual slaves but are still referred to as wives.  They are used for free labor  and sex by their masters who are mainly dignitaries or wealthy men.
The legal age for the marriage of a girl in Niger is fifteen years old but as the country struggles with severe drought, failing crops and mass starvation girls as young as seven years old are being sold as child brides.  Parents have told activists that although they are unhappy about selling their daughters to men, the food situation have left them with no alternative.  Families are using child marriage as a survival strategy  to deal with food insecurity.  Marrying off a daughter means one less mouth to feed and the dowry she brings in goes to feed the others.  Fertility rate is high in Niger with the average household  having at least seven children.
The practice of child marriage comes with serious consequences.  It impacts negatively on the health of young girls.  Having children at such a young age, they are at risk for fistulas (vaginal or anal rupture) which can lead to incontinence.  Girls with fistulas are often abandoned by their husbands and scorned by society.  The majority of child brides are denied an education. Only 15 percent of adult women in Niger are literate and less than one-third of girls are enrolled in schools.
For places like Niger change will only come when families understand that educating their daughters instead of marrying them off will be more beneficial in bringing economic growth to this starving nation.  In a 2001 study UNICEF found that women with seven or more years of education marry an average four years later and have 2.2 fewer children than those with no education.
United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) wants the age of marriage to be changed to eighteen years .  It says this would give the girls longer time in school and give their bodies time to develop and allow them to reach adulthood.  This move will also help to curb the birth rate which is the highest in the world.

Stay Positive

We all have those days when nothing seem to go right no matter how hard we try.  Sometimes when problems come they all seem to come at once.  We sometimes get so pre-occupied stressing over our own problems that we  fail to realize there are people far worse off than ourselves.  At times when we take the time to reflect our problems might be minor compared to others.   Our problem could be the loss of a job, the breakup of a relationship, children giving problem or an inconsiderate neighbor.  Although it might not be easy, these are problems that can be solved.  Just think about the person who has just lost his or her mother, father, an only child, or a close family member?  What can you say to that person to make the pain go away.  Is there anything that anyone can do to fill the void that is left?   Death is so final, there is no tomorrow, no second chance to do things differently.  Therefore we must give thanks for life even if it may be filled with problems, for at the end of the day it is the most important thing that we have.  Everything else takes second place.

Thought For Today

It is good to have dreams but unless you work at achieving your goals, they will remain only dreams.  Starting today, begin turning your dreams into reality by working to achieve your goals.

Thought For Today

Not everyone who extends to you a hand with goodwill offer is a friend, likewise, neither is the man who criticizes you necessarily a foe” 

M Williams

Inspirational Story

The Window

 

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man  was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and   families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military  service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the  man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where  his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and  color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while  children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite  detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.  Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive  words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should he have all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see  anything? It didn’t seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt  ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that  window – and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window  began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking  stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence–deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take it away–no  words, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he  could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank window.

Moral of the story:  Never be envious or jealous of others; at all times strive to do  good and you will be rewarded accordingly.

 

Thought For Today

Procrastination is like a bug you need to fight in order to achieve your goals.  Quit putting off for tomorrow the things that you can do today.  Say no to procrastination if you want to succeed!

Thought For Today

Energy and time is wasted when it is used to find faults and criticize situations, unless it is followed up by a practical workable solution.

M Williams

Stop Abuse of Women

Let us cease women to be subdued or allow ourselves to be boxed in by a wall of silence.  Let our voices be heard.  Let the stories of rape and other atrocities against be told.  Throughout the world women are being abused.  The disparity in the treatment of the sexes is real.  The heinous crimes of rapes, murders and other forms of abuse meted out to women are real.  The killing of babies because they are girls is real.

In the beginning God created woman as a companion for man.  He did this because He thought man was lonely and needed another human like himself to relate to.  I am quite sure it was intended that man would take good care of that woman.  The heart of some men seem to be desperately wicked.  They have no concept of what it is like to care for a woman.  They are emotionally barren, devoid of the ability to love her unconditionally.

It is from the womb of a woman that new life enters this world.  For nine months she carries a child in her womb, going through morning sickness and all the other things that comes with pregnancy.  All she hopes for is a healthy child whether it be male or female.  She does not hate her child because he happens to be a male.  Her love is unconditional.  She goes through labor and suffers excruciating pain to bring this child into the world.  She spends many a sleepless night caring for her child, putting his or her needs before her own.  At the end of it all how is she repaid?

Cursed is the man who lays his hand on a woman except to show his affection.  Cursed is the man who inflicts pain on a woman.  Cursed is the man who rapes a woman, violating the very place from where he made his entrance into this world.  Shame unto the man who has no understanding that without a woman there would be no man because it takes both to reproduce.  Men and women are of equal importance; if one become extinct in due time the other will cease to exist.

It is time for changes. It is time for stronger laws put in place that will protect women globally.  The atrocities against woman must stop.  Women across the world must stand together and demand equal rights and justice.

Every man on earth is born of a woman and men ought to respect that.  A nation that fails to protect its women is a nation that in spite of all its achievements, has failed humanity.  It is like a pig wallowing in its own filth, no matter what it does at the end of the day it is a disgrace to the human race.

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