The statistics regarding domestic violence globally is alarming. Women die every day at the hands of intimate partners. Prevention is the single most important way to avoid becoming a victim. You might ask what is the strategy for prevention, and the answer to that is awareness. Learn to recognize the signs that a partner or a potential partner may be an abuser. Most women never believe a partner will go too far until it happens. Few recognize an abusive relationship it for what it is…a matter of life and death situation. Do not ignore threats. Do not ignore abusive language. Do not ignore acts of violence such as hitting, shoving and kicking. Do not fall for apologies and believe when he tells you it won’t happen again. The truth is that not only will it continue but it could get worse. Be aware, know the signs. Leave before it’s too late.
From: Women Against Domestic Violence
Dear Men: October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and again with tears in our eyes we write this letter to you. Things have not improved much. Despite our best efforts to spread awareness women continue to die. Just this past week there was another gruesome murder. A man ran over his ex-wife with a car then stabbed her repeatedly. Her grandkids witnessed her murder, they will be scarred for life. I ask of you how can this be right?
Men, how can you hurt the person you profess to love? Why should the person who love you live in fear of you? That is not healthy. Will it bring you joy to look down at your woman in a casket and know she is there because you went too far? Life is fragile. Your job as a man is to protect your woman, not hurt her. That is what strong men do. If you find yourself hurting your woman, it means there is some weakness within you that you must work on.
Men we know that you are not all bad and we are aware that some of you do suffer abuse too. We need you to stand by us in this fight. Talk to your peers, to your friends, or relatives who are abusers. Tell them domestic violence is wrong. Be an example to them. Show them how a real man treats his woman. Men we cannot win this fight without you. We need you to stand by us and fight with us to end domestic violence. You can start by sharing this letter. Together let us spread awareness
I close my eyes and the memories come rushing back
yours was the perfect smile. You always said the right words
that I wanted to hear. I used to welcome your warm embrace,
Now I cringe at your touch. How did it get this far?
Too many apologies, too many I forgive you
too many bruises that I have to hide
How did it get this far?
If you ask some women why they stay in an abusive relationship, many will say: “I love him. He has this power over me. I don’t have the strength to leave him. He is not ao bad when he isn’t angry. He makes me feel loved.”
The problem many women struggle with, is self-love. Ok, so you love him, I get that. But how much do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough to say I will not allow a man to put his hands on me in an abusive manner? Does he love you enough to know he should protect you and not hurt you?
In this scourge where many women are dying, leaving may be the only solution to staying alive. Are you saying you do not possess the strength to live? No man deserves losing your life over. If you love your life as much as you love him, save yourself!
Abusive men are like chameleons, you never know whether you are going or coming with them. They can be sweet one moment and violent the next. When a partner hits you, no matter how remorseful they are afterwards just know that it won’t be the last time he hits you.
Accept his apology but do not remain in the same situation where he can do it again. If he has no control of over his anger that is a red flag that you shouldn’t stay. The moment he strikes you is the moment you need to leave. Don’t give an abusive partner a second chance; just go.
Knowledge is Power
In many abusive relationships the abuse doesn’t start right away. In fact when he is pursuing you he may be so charming that you feel you have won a prize. It is when he gets comfortable with you and he believes he has you hooked that you may begin to see his true colors.
If he objects to you having a relationship with your former friends and even family members, he may not have your best interest at heart. Abusers love to have their victims isolated. That way when he begins to abuse you there is no one for you to turn to.
If he hits you, tells you he is sorry and it won’t happen again, do not believe him. If he couldn’t control his anger that time what’s to stop him from losing control again? Each time you forgive him you give him more power over you. Slowly over time he will groom you to accept abuse in the relationship.
The numerous deaths of women due to domestic violence raises the question, “Are our men becoming more violent?” According to a new release by the United Nations Office on Drug and crime, 137 women worldwide are killed by partners or family members each day. Now that is alarming.
Not every case makes it to the news. In recent times there was the disappearance of Andreen McDonald in Texas. After months of futile search her remains was discovered and her husband arrested and charged with murder. We have the case of Jennifer Dulos, a mother of five from Connecticut who went missing back in May. To date her body has not been found. The most recent one that made the news was that Florida mom who went missing. Her body along with the bodies of her four children were found and her husband charged with murder.
The most horrendous story yet was that of Chris Watts, who murdered his pregnant wife and their two other children. He confessed that after his daughter Bella watched him smother her sister to death, said to him, ‘Please, Daddy, don’t do to me what you just did to CeCe.’ ” He killed her anyway. A young child pleads for her life and you still kill her. Where is the moral compass? Do men like Chris Watts deserve to live?
Domestic violence needs the attention of everyone in society. Talk about in the schools, in the workplaces, in the churches, In the prisons, in the social clubs. Talk to you brother, talk to your sister, if you know he or she is an abuser or is being abused. We must break this vicious cycle. Even if it’s uncomfortable, let’s start the conversation.