Remember that it was the abusive behavior of your partner which caused you to leave in the first place. You were not happy in the relationship.
He will continue to abuse you even if he promises you that he will never hit you again. The abuse will continue and it could get worse.
Abusers seldom stop their abusive behavior unless they get some form of counseling or therapy. Don’t go back and expect him to change because he says he has changed. As soon as he gets comfortable with you being back he will start abusing you again.
Abusers like to instill fear in their victims. He will try to make you so fearful of him that you are less likely to leave him.
He may become more possessive and controlling and try t isolated you from your family and friends. He might start keeping tabs on you, watching you more closely for any sign that you might try to leave again.
He will do everything within his power to make it impossible for you to leave again. He might even threaten to take your life.
The most serious of all the reasons is that he may follow through on his threats. You may never get the chance to escape a second time with your life. Some abusers are prepared to take the lives of their victims and then their own. Don’t let this happen to you.
Once you get the chance to leave the relationship never return to an abusive partner no matter how persuasive he may be.
Despite efforts to to raise awareness about the ills of domestic violence, women continue to die. Only a few weeks ago I learned of the horrible death of a young woman. Her killer slit her throat, then set her body on fire. They reportedly took her husband and two other men into custody in connection with her death.
No human being should receive this kind of treatment. It is wrong; it is immoral, and a heinous crime against humanity. If a relationship is not working out people have choices, but the choice to take another human life should never be one of them. May this young woman’s family get the justice they deserve.
One of the trap victims of domestic violence may fall into is believing the abuse they suffer is their fault. Abusers seldom take responsibility for their actions. Instead they deflect the blame to the victim. In a conversation once with a man who constantly abused his girlfriend, he said to me “I really love her.” I asked, “Then why do you abuse her?” His answer was, “To tell you the truth I don’t know. Sometimes she makes me so mad.” I was not at all surprised that he chose to blame her for his inability to control his anger.
Victims of domestic violence need to know it is not their fault. You do not deserve abuse. You should never accept abuse. Do not keep silent about abuse or feel ashamed it is happening to you. Instead speak up. Seek help.
Cases of domestic violence is up as many individuals find themselves quarantined with abusive partners. For many there is little they can do about it. There is a saying, “prevention is better than cure.” If we apply this to many life situations, we can avoid making serious mistakes.
The most important way to prevent being trapped in an abusive relationship is knowing the signs to watch out for. A woman may say of a partner; he loses his temper sometime and tells me mean, hurtful things. He is controlling and jealous but he never hits me. His temper, jealousy and controlling ways are all warning signs you should not ignore. The mean hurtful things he tells you, is an indication that emotional abuse has already begun.
When it escalates to the point where he encourages you to cut off communication with your friends or make you choose between him and your family you need to run. Isolation is one of the biggest clue that he is grooming you for abuse. If you cut off ties with the ones closest to you, when the abuse begins, you will have no one to turn to. The longer you stay the more control you lose and the harder it is to leave. Know the signs. Look out for them, and take action to avoid unnecessary hurt and pain.
The statistics regarding domestic violence globally is alarming. Women die every day at the hands of intimate partners. Prevention is the single most important way to avoid becoming a victim. You might ask what is the strategy for prevention, and the answer to that is awareness. Learn to recognize the signs that a partner or a potential partner may be an abuser. Most women never believe a partner will go too far until it happens. Few recognize an abusive relationship it for what it is…a matter of life and death situation. Do not ignore threats. Do not ignore abusive language. Do not ignore acts of violence such as hitting, shoving and kicking. Do not fall for apologies and believe when he tells you it won’t happen again. The truth is that not only will it continue but it could get worse. Be aware, know the signs. Leave before it’s too late.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and again with tears in our eyes
we write this letter to you. Things have not improved much. Despite our best efforts
to spread awareness women continue to die. Just this past week there was another
gruesome murder. A man ran over his ex-wife with a car then stabbed her repeatedly.
Her grandkids witnessed her murder, they will be scarred for life. I ask of you
how can this be right?
Men, how can you hurt the person you profess to love? Why should the person who love you live in fear of you? That is not healthy. Will it bring you joy to look down at your woman in a casket and know she is there because you went too far? Life is fragile. Your job as a man is to protect your woman, not hurt her. That is what strong men do. If you find yourself hurting your woman, it means there is some weakness within you that you must work on.
Men we know that you are not all bad and we are aware that some of you do suffer abuse too. We need you to stand by us in this fight. Talk to your peers, to your friends, or relatives who are abusers. Tell them domestic violence is wrong. Be an example to them. Show them how a real man treats his woman. Men we cannot win this fight without you. We need you to stand by us and fight with us to end domestic violence. You can start by sharing this letter. Together let us spread awareness
If you ask some women why they stay in an abusive relationship, many will say: “I love him. He has this power over me. I don’t have the strength to leave him. He is not ao bad when he isn’t angry. He makes me feel loved.”
The problem many women struggle with, is self-love. Ok, so you love him, I get that. But how much do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough to say I will not allow a man to put his hands on me in an abusive manner? Does he love you enough to know he should protect you and not hurt you?
In this scourge where many women are dying, leaving may be the only solution to staying alive. Are you saying you do not possess the strength to live? No man deserves losing your life over. If you love your life as much as you love him, save yourself!
Abusive men are like chameleons, you never know whether you are going or coming with them. They can be sweet one moment and violent the next. When a partner hits you, no matter how remorseful they are afterwards just know that it won’t be the last time he hits you.
Accept his apology but do not remain in the same situation where he can do it again. If he has no control of over his anger that is a red flag that you shouldn’t stay. The moment he strikes you is the moment you need to leave. Don’t give an abusive partner a second chance; just go.
In many abusive relationships the abuse doesn’t start right away. In fact when he is pursuing you he may be so charming that you feel you have won a prize. It is when he gets comfortable with you and he believes he has you hooked that you may begin to see his true colors.
If he objects to you having a relationship with your former friends and even family members, he may not have your best interest at heart. Abusers love to have their victims isolated. That way when he begins to abuse you there is no one for you to turn to.
If he hits you, tells you he is sorry and it won’t happen again, do not believe him. If he couldn’t control his anger that time what’s to stop him from losing control again? Each time you forgive him you give him more power over you. Slowly over time he will groom you to accept abuse in the relationship.