October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and again with tears in our eyes
we write this letter to you. Things have not improved much. Despite our best efforts
to spread awareness women continue to die. Just this past week there was another
gruesome murder. A man ran over his ex-wife with a car then stabbed her repeatedly.
Her grandkids witnessed her murder, they will be scarred for life. I ask of you
how can this be right?
Men, how can you hurt the person you profess to love? Why should the person who love you live in fear of you? That is not healthy. Will it bring you joy to look down at your woman in a casket and know she is there because you went too far? Life is fragile. Your job as a man is to protect your woman, not hurt her. That is what strong men do. If you find yourself hurting your woman, it means there is some weakness within you that you must work on.
Men we know that you are not all bad and we are aware that some of you do suffer abuse too. We need you to stand by us in this fight. Talk to your peers, to your friends, or relatives who are abusers. Tell them domestic violence is wrong. Be an example to them. Show them how a real man treats his woman. Men we cannot win this fight without you. We need you to stand by us and fight with us to end domestic violence. You can start by sharing this letter. Together let us spread awareness
Abusive men are like chameleons, you never know whether you are going or coming with them. They can be sweet one moment and violent the next. When a partner hits you, no matter how remorseful they are afterwards just know that it won’t be the last time he hits you.
Accept his apology but do not remain in the same situation where he can do it again. If he has no control of over his anger that is a red flag that you shouldn’t stay. The moment he strikes you is the moment you need to leave. Don’t give an abusive partner a second chance; just go.
In many abusive relationships the abuse doesn’t start right away. In fact when he is pursuing you he may be so charming that you feel you have won a prize. It is when he gets comfortable with you and he believes he has you hooked that you may begin to see his true colors.
If he objects to you having a relationship with your former friends and even family members, he may not have your best interest at heart. Abusers love to have their victims isolated. That way when he begins to abuse you there is no one for you to turn to.
If he hits you, tells you he is sorry and it won’t happen again, do not believe him. If he couldn’t control his anger that time what’s to stop him from losing control again? Each time you forgive him you give him more power over you. Slowly over time he will groom you to accept abuse in the relationship.
No one can envision him or herself in an abusive relationship. Most people feel it can never happen to them. So when they see the signs they ignore them or make excuses. However domestic violence is too serious an issue not to pay attention to the signs.
One of the first signs that your partner may be abusive is if he or she wants to alienate you from your family and friends. An abusive partner wants to know that you have no one to turn to for help when the abuse starts and alienating you from the people you care about is the first step in achieving that go. Watch out for this sign!
Your silence is the greatest weapon your abuser has to use against you. The longer you keep silent and accept abuse the more he will break you down and rob you of your self-esteem. Soon you will believe you can’t do any better, no one else is going to love you and a little love with abuse is better than no love at all. Stop! Do not believe his lies. You deserve better!
One of latest gruesome story coming out of India is that of a twelve year old girl who was gang raped by an uncle and two of her brothers. According to reports she was taken to her uncle’s house where the rape occured. When she threatened to go to the police, she was reportedly strangled. She was then beheaded and her body was dumped in bushes. The uncle and one of her brothers have since been arrested.
The fact that a child was treated in this manner is mind boggling. To know that the people who perpetrated the act is her own family makes it even more despicable. When, if ever, will the abuse of women and the culture of rape in India stop. One has to wonder if the government is doing enough to protect women and girls. India has a terrible record of sex abuse against minors with over 36, 000 cases reported in 2016.