In many abusive relationships the abuse doesn’t start right away. In fact when he is pursuing you he may be so charming that you feel you have won a prize. It is when he gets comfortable with you and he believes he has you hooked that he begins to show his true colors.
If he begins to have problem with you having a relationship with your former friends and even relatives, he may not have your best interest at heart. Abusers love to have their victims isolated. That way when the abuse begins, you have no one to turn to.
If he hits you and tell you he is sorry and it won’t happen again, don’t believe him. If he could not control his temper in that instance, what is to stop him from losing control again. Each time you forgive him, you give him more power over you and sad reality is that he is grooming you to accept abuse in the relationship.
Like most things in life, nothing is guaranteed in a relationship. It may turn out the way you expect it to, or it might not. The important thing is to get to know the person you are dating. You may find little clues that will tell you if he is a keeper.
Is he kind, considerate and cares about your happiness as much as he does about his? If he does, he could be the one.
If he treats you with respect, makes you feel special, listens when you talk and make you feel what you have to say is important, he could be the one.
If he makes the effort to spend quality time with you, talks about his dreams and aspirations and a future that includes you, he could be the one
If he not only tells you, but shows you that he loves you and how much you mean to him, he could be the one.
If he has all of the above qualities, you probably have a winner on your hand. Hold on to him.
Your silence is the greatest weapon your abuser has to use against you. The longer you keep silent and accept abuse the more he will break you down and rob you of your self-esteem. Soon you will believe you can’t do any better, no one else is going to love you and a little love with abuse is better than no love at all. Stop! Do not believe his lies. You deserve better!
Domestic violence continues to be a scourge. Though it affect both women and men, women are three times more likely to die than men. The fight to end violence in relationship is not an easy one as often many people do not seek help until the abuse becomes unbearable and the relationship so toxic that addressing it becomes more complex.
Before it gets to that point one must take action. Learn to recognize the signs that someone may be grooming you for abuse. When someone raises his hand and strikes you, then apologize and you forgive him and stay and the cycle is repeated again and again, that person is grooming you to accept abuse as a part of your relationship. Don’t fool yourself into believing he will change and things will get better. It never does. The moment the abuse begins is the moment you must get out of the relationship.
Who you fall in love with is destined by fate. While we can plan for most aspect of our lives, when it comes to love the best made plans can fall to pieces. Often emotions take over and you find you are no longer in control. The heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes the heart gets what the heart wants, and yet relationships fail.
Sometimes the excitement is all in the chase and once the prize is won the excitement diminishes and complacency sets in. People begin taking each other for granted, passions wains…. Often times relationships fail because people don’t take the time to try to make it work. Like everything else, in order to be a success, relationships take work.
Do you believe that if you truly love someone it means that you will love them no matter what? Now I know people have mixed views about what true love entails however one must be quick to understand that a healthy relationship involves two people having mutual love and respect for one another. It should never be a one-sided thing so don’t fall for that trap where a partner hurts you and then tell you that if you truly love you would forgive him. How about him loving you enough not to hurt you in the first place?
The belief that true love last forever and it is worth fighting for is one of the reason why women remain in abusive relationship hoping that the more love they show the abusive partner, the more likely it is that he will change. This is a belief that often leads to disappointment for no amount of love that you show him will make him change. He has to feel that deep love inside for you and respect you enough not to hurt you. They change that you seek can only come from him. You can’t make him change and you should never settle for abuse. It is okay not to love your abuser. It is okay to walk away.
Nothing makes for a happier relationship than to have: a man who understands himself and his role. A man who understands that life comes with responsibilities and it is not always going to be smooth sailing. A man who will ride with the tide and be a tower of support when the waters of life gets turbulent. One who will not back down nut stand tall and give support to his woman.
His woman in return should get to know his likes, his dislikes, his dreams, and his aspiration. Give him love and support and make him feel appreciated. Because he is a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to feel appreciated nor does it mean that he doesn’t want to feel loved too. If he gives you his all you should give him your all. Love and cherish each.
After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother to put them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said she wouldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, “Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that day son we have never had a single problem.”
Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied. “And if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!