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Controlling Men… Avoid Them

Falling in love can be a wonderful thing especially when the man appears to be everything that you desire.  You may be so blindly in love with him that it takes a while for you to realize that he is trying to control your life.  

He may be very subtle about it at first; for example it is okay for him to hang out with the guys but if you decide to hang out with your girlfriends he comes up with excuses why you should not go the chief among them being that he wants to spend quality time with you.  You want to hang out with the girls but of course you are thrilled that he wants you home with him. That however is just the beginning, You have a family event to attend but on the day of the event he complains that he is feeling ill.  He tells you it is okay for you to go but you feel guilt about leaving him alone so you stay not realizing that he is slowly manipulating and programming you to do exactly what he wants you to do.

Not all of them however go about controlling you by playing mind games.  Some are rather aggressive and dictates to you exactly what he wants you to do.  He may not want you to go out without him.  He tells you what kind of clothes to wear and may make you throw out what he don’t want you to wear.  He determines the friends you keep and makes you to disassociate yourself from those he doesn’t like.

If you try to question his actions he may try to control you with threats and instill fear in you so you have no choice but to obey him because you are afraid of the consequences if you don’t.  This is the worst kind of control because when you give in to fear it gives him the ultimate power over you and keeps you trapped in the relationship.  He feeds on your fear.  It boosts his ego because he knows he has you exactly where he wants you.

If your partner is physically abusive as well as controlling you could be faced with a big problem if you decide to leave.  He needs to be in control and when you leave it means he is no longer in control.  Even the non aggressive controlling partner may become physical if you try to leave.  He needs to have this control and will try to keep it by whatever means necessary.  He does not believe in the saying,  “If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you then it was meant to be.”  

A controlling partner may feel that if he can’t have you then no one else can.  If he tells you this do not for one moment believe that he is just joking.  Many women have lost their lives after ending controlling relationships.  In killing the woman the man maintains his control and he is often prepared to take his own life so no own gets to be in control of his fate.

To avoid these catastrophic endings or to avoid being trapped in an unhealthy relationship it is best to look out for the signs.  Do not allow yourself to be so blinded by love that you fail to recognize them.  It is always best to walk away before he gets too much control.

 

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3 Comments

  1. granonine says:

    I see this pattern over and over in my work as a therapist. At first, a woman feels very special to have someone “care” about her so much. Then she begins to feel that nice, soft pillow pressing down on her face.

    Like

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