Tag: Domestic violence

Stop Abuse of Women

You are Not His Property

We are living in the twenty-first century but what progress as people can we say we have made when men are keeping women enslaved. This is not about race, color or class. Women from every area of society have at one point or another found themselves subjected to abuse from men. Age is of little relevance, as long as you are a woman you are at risk.

In spite of human rights laws and legislation little girls mere children themselves are married off to grown men, sentenced to a life of hard labor and abuse with no hope of an education. In some instances once married the woman becomes the property of the man. She has no voice, she has no say. He is her lord and master and his every command she must obey. As his property he happiness is not important. Her job is to make him happy and take care of his every need.

It is time for women to stop accepting less than they deserve. In some abusive relationship when ask why they stay a woman may respond “I love him.” You may love the man but while you are busy loving him who is loving you? In reality a woman does not need a man anymore than he needs her. You may feel hurt, disappointed, betrayed and lonely but at the end of the day you are alive and life goes on.

Sometimes, somewhere out there something good is waiting for you but if you remain trapped in an unhappy relationship you will never experience it. Don’t be like a welcome mat and allow him to walk all over you. The change will come only when women begin to stand up for themselves and say enough is enough.

 

Stop Abuse of Women

Never Return to an Abusive Partner

In an abusive relationship the woman often have no choice but to leave her abusive partner.  While you may feel relieved and happy to be out of the unhappy relationship, do not become complacent.  You need to be vigilant.  It is often after the woman leaves that she becomes more at risk for losing her life.

In most abusive relationship the main aim of the man is to control the woman.  When the woman leaves he no longer has that control and he may go to the extreme to make sure that the woman does not have a life without him.  When you leave an abusive partner always bear in mind the fact that your life could possible be in danger and take the necessary precautions to ensure your safety.

If children are involved you may have no choice but to remain in touch with him for the sake of the children.  It is best however not to meet with him alone or if you have to make sure you do so in an environment where people are around.  Never meet with him in a deserted or secluded area.

Just recently on August 14 in my home town Port Antonio, Jamaica  twenty-two year old woman, Jessica King, lost her life to domestic violence.  The man who took her life was a twenty-three year old police officer.  This was someone who took an oath of office to serve and protect citizens.  Instead of protecting he turned his weapon on a defenseless, unharmed woman and snuffed out her life.

It is reported that the two were having problems in their relationship and the young woman had moved out of the home they shared and was staying elsewhere.  According to a relative on the day of her death she received a phone call that morning from her estranged boyfriend requesting her to see him.  She apparently went to the Errol Flynn Marine to meet him not knowing she was walking to her death.

An eyewitness said the police man first hugged her and then proceeded to pump four bullets into her.  She died on the spot.  He then turned the gun on himself, shooting himself three times in a suicide attempt.   Since the incident he has been released from hospital and will stand trial for murder.  Relatives of  Jessica said was killed because she wanted to end the relationship with the police officer.  

Say No to Molestation of Children

My blog post today was prompted by a question asked by a friend on Facebook.  The question was if a family member molested your child and you got angry every time you saw them, what would you do, keep the family secret, approach them and let them know you know about it or get them arrested.

My first thought was that was a simple answer, if someone molested my child I would immediately have that person arrested family member or not, but then it dawned on me that it is not that simple for everyone.  Families often keep secrets so that the family honor is upheld.  A case of a child who is molested or raped by a family member may go unreported so as not to bring shame on the family.  While the family member is protected who looks out for the child?  The child is the victim in this situation.  The child is the one who will have to live with the physical and emotional trauma and often will remain emotionally scarred for life.

When these things happen and you keep silent you are giving the perpetrator power and is inadvertently aiding and abetting him or her.  How do you think the child will feel knowing that you knew what was happening but did nothing about it because it was more important to keep the family secret.  The child’s welfare must be the number one priority in situations like this and anyone one who molest a child must be held accountable.

It is the responsibility of adults to protect children and often times it is these people who they trust that molest them.  We are living in a cruel world and often times it is the children who suffer the most because they are defenseless and are not able to do anything about what is happening to them.  In order to protect children parents who are aware that their children are molested and do nothing about it must be held accountable along with the perpetrator.  Let us protect our children. They have the right to enjoy their childhood years free from molestation.

Say NO to Physical Abuse

He hits you and then says he is sorry.  Another sign  that he is an Abuser!

The first time he hits you or hurt you in any way physically give yourself a reality check.  You need to ask yourself if he loses his temper or get angry for whatever reason does this mean he is going to lash out at you?

After he hits you he may be full of remorse.  He will apologize, tell you how sorry he is and that it will never happen again.  When he hits you the second time, you would have known by this time that he lied and  that it is likely to happen again.

Do not allow yourself to be fooled by his profuse apologies.  Some abusers can be very emotional.  Do not be surprised if he cries and begs you to forgive him.  He will beg for your forgiveness and try to convince you that it will never happen again.  However the abuse will continue unless you remove yourself from the situation.

I recall a friend of mine leaving her abusive boyfriend after he had beaten her badly.  He was very upset about the fact that she had left and went on a mission trying to find her.  I went with him because I wanted to be there for her in case he found her and decided to get nasty.  After visiting two of her relatives home and not finding her he became very emotional and broke down crying.  He said he didn’t know what he would do if she left him for good.  He said he really loved her and he was willing to do anything she asked him to, even go to therapy.  I asked him “If you love her so much why do you keep beating her?  His response was “I don’t know but I promise if she comes back I will never hit her again.”

I remember watching the tears rolling down his cheek and thinking that if I didn’t know better I would almost feel sorry for him.  I was not fooled by his tears.  As it turned out she was staying at a third relative we went that day but he never saw her.  I had a feeling she was there so the minute he parked I ran ahead of him to the house.  When I saw her I could only manage four words, “He is coming hide!”   She did not hesitate but did as I told her.  My mission accomplished I then managed to convince him that she was not there

However a few weeks later he found he and somehow managed to convince her to give him another chance.  Of course the moment she went back to him all his promises of going to therapy and not hitting her again soon went out the window.  He kept abusing her until she decided she had had enough and finally left him for good.  Incidentally she was not the first person to suffer abuse at his hands.

 Do not be fooled my empty promises.  Do what is best for you and so NO to physical abuse.  Please bear in mind that the longer you remain in an abusive relationship the more difficult it is going to be for you to leave.  You have to get out the moment the abuse start! 

Stop Abuse of Women

One Sign That he may be an Abuser  “ISOLATION”

A majority of women get into relationships having no idea that their intended partners are abusers.  This happens because you cannot tell that a man is an abuser simply by looking at him.  He often appears to be your regular nice guy.  He puts on the charm.  He wines and dine you and make you feel important.  He says the right words that you want to hear.

However charming he may appear at first be careful and take nothing for granted.  Keep your eyes open for any warning signs that he may not be all that he wants you to believe that he is because he could be an abuser.

One of the first signs to watch for is ‘Isolation’.  One of the first things he may try to do is isolate you from your friends and relatives.  If he wants you to cut ties with your friends don’t for one moment believe that he is thinking of your best interest.  If he tries to keep you away from your family or try to make you choose between your family and him be warned; he is up to no good.  He could be setting the stage for abuse!

When he gets you in a position where you are isolated from your family and friends it gives him power over you because when the abuse starts you will find yourself alone with no one to come to your aid and that is exactly what he wants.  Do not ignore that first clue!

Honor Killing on American Soil

When people migrate they leave their countries behind but often times they take their culture and traditions with them.  They aggressively try to enforce their beliefs and continue to live by the traditions that they are accustomed to even it is not in keeping with what others would consider to be normal behavior.
The idea of Honor Killing is deeply embedded in certain societies and family honor is more important than life itself.  In most instances there is a gross misrepresentation of the word ‘Honor’.  Usually it is the woman in the family who has to sacrifice her happiness to uphold the family honor.
Let us look at the following scenario:  A girl is forced to marry a man almost twice her age.  He beats her, sexually abuse and tortures her.  Yet if she leaves her abusive husband it will be looked upon as bringing disgrace on the family by  people who are obsessed with maintaining family honor.  She is therefore expected to live a life of misery and suffer silently because her family believes this is the honorable thing to do.
Families will go to the extreme to maintain their family honor.  It is therefore not surprising that on October 20, 2009 Faleh Hassan Almaleki  a native of Iraq living in Glendale Arizona mowed down his twenty year-old daughter Noor Almaleki in what was  considered a honor attack.  Noor died as a result of the injuries she sustained.
Her crime?  Her father felt she had become “too westernized”; he was also angry that she had left the man she married in Iraq and returned to Arizona to live with her boyfriend and his mother.  Faleh felt his daughter had brought disgrace on the family and took matters in his own hands.  He became judge, jury and executioner.  The punishment for her transgressions was death and he executed her punishment by running her over in his Jeep Cherokee.  Her boyfriend’s mother also suffered injuries in the attack.
After the attack he fled the country, driving to Mexico and taking a plane to London.  He was detained by British Police and extradited back to the US.  In February 2011 a Phoenix jury found him guilty of second degree murder in the death of his daughter.  He was also convicted of aggravated assault for injuries suffered by the mother of his daughter’s boyfriend in the 2009 attack.
For those who continue to practice this monstrous act I hope the day will come when they will realize that they are the one bringing disgrace on the family.  In a normal society family member don’t go around killing each other.  Even animals form packs to defend and protect their kind.  There is nothing honorable about being a murderer! There is nothing honorable about taking the life of someone especially the people around you whom you should love and protect.       It is the murderer in the family who should be seen as bringing disgrace on the family.

 

Four Year-old Murdered

Jealousy is being blamed for the murder of four year-old Natasha Brown of Duanvale, Trewlany in Jamaica on Tuesday May 28.  Her decapitated body was retrieved from a 10-ft deep sink hole in the community on Wednesday.  A woman who is said to be the ex-lover of the dead child’s father was taken into custody after she reportedly confessed to the killing and later led investigators to the sink hole late Tuesday evening.

The child’s father Baldwin Brown admitted ending a relationship with the accused woman five months ago.  “I simply can’t believe it,” he said.  “How can someone do this to a child?”

Four year-old Natasha never showed up for school Tuesday morning and she was reportedly seen in the company of the  woman.  Later that morning the accused killer was reportedly seen carrying a crocus bag towards the sink hole.  She reportedly told someone she was going to dump the remains of a dead animal.  When news circulated that Natasha was missing the police were informed of the woman’s activities.  When the accused woman who was reportedly angry with the child’s father for ending the relationship, was located she reportedly confessed to killing the child and led police to the sink hole.

With fire fighters and the police having difficulty accessing the sinkhole as night approached on Tuesday the search was called off until Wednesday morning.  Shortly after 10 a. m. a resident was lowered into the sinkhole and he retrieved the body and the head which was severed.

The accused woman is said to have four children of her own.  Meanwhile the child’s mother was reported to be in a state of shock.

Stop Abuse of Women

The world is full of chaos and people with twisted minds.  In some countries the laws that ought to be enforced are ignored and people impose other rules to satisfy themselves.  They have rules which make it acceptable for a man to torture and kill a woman.  On the other hand if a woman refuses to comply to a fixed marriage or wear clothes considered as being inappropriate, it is seen as a sin for which she is punished.
In some cultures women are seen as replaceable commodities.  There is no value placed on the life of the woman.  She is looked upon as being inferior to her male counterpart and is treated accordingly.  Brothers think nothing of killing their sisters to uphold what they call ‘the family honor‘   The question is, what kind of honor does a murderer bring to any family?  What is honorable about killing your own sister?
Love to these people mean nothing and family honor means everything.  It is a kind of sick twisted mentality.  They do not understand the concept that unity is strength and that a family divided against itself will come to naught.  They are so busy trying to protect their public image that they are blinded to the things that should be more important, that of a brother looking out for his sister and families uniting to protect family members.
The fact that brothers see nothing wrong with killing their sisters highlight the fact that in these societies men in general have very little respect for the lives of women and the laws if there are any is not sufficiently implemented to be a deterrent.
If women in these countries should turn the tables and say enough is enough and start to seek their own justice, I wonder if the laws will then be implemented or will they be able to get away with committing atrocities against men in the same manner that men commit atrocities against women? Interesting thought isn’t it?  What do you thing?

 

Stop Abuse Of Women

Honor Killings

 

The horrors of honor killings continues.  Late last year a seventeen year old Pakistan girl miraculously cheated death.  Her attacker was her own brother.  Gul Meena life of misery began at the age of twelve when she was married off to a man old enough to be her grandfather.

She says, “My husband was sixty.  Everyday he would beat me.  I would cry and beg him to stop, but he kept on beating me.”  Her family was not very supportive.  “My family would hit me when I complain,” she said.  “They told me you belong in your husband’s house, it is your life.

After five years of abusive Gul Meena met a young Afghan man and finally found the courage to leave her abusive husband in Pakistan.  In November 2012 she packed some of her things and they made their was across the border to the city of Jalalabad in Afghanistan.  She knew what she was doing was dangerous.  Running away from her husband with another man was committing the ultimate sin.   But she was tired of the life she was living.

“I tried to kill myself with poison several times but it didn’t work,” she said.  “I hated my life.  I had to escape.

Days later her older brother tracked them down.  Using an ax he hacked to death Gul Meena’s friend and then struck her fifteen times cutting open her face head and other parts of her body.  Believing that she was dead he escaped back to Pakistan.  The authorities are yet to catch him and his family denies that he tried to kill his sister.

Passersby hearing the commotion discovered Gul lying in a pool of blood in bed and rushed her to the Emergency Department of Nangarhar Regional Medical Centre.  Part of her brain was hanging out of her skull.  Neurosurgeon Zamiruddin Khalid held out little hope that she would survive.  She had lost a lot of blood and her injuries were horrific.  But by some act of God she defeated death and survived.

Even then her troubles were not over; she had received life-saving treatment from doctors and staff at the hospital but she had no one to care for her on the outside.  Gul had been disowned by her family and despite the government and authorities knowing that she was alive and receiving care at the hospital, they wanted nothing to do with her due to the stigma and circumstances surrounding her attack.

She stayed in the hospital for two months thanks to the generosity of doctors who donated money to pay for her medicine.  Finally the organization Women for Afghan women were informed of her situation. They took her in, transporting her back to a shelter in Kabul to give her the love and care she so badly needed.

Gul Meena is one of the thousands of women living in shelters across Afghanistan.  Many of them are victims of attempted honor killings.

Stop Abuse of Women

Bride Burning

Violence against women takes various forms, from Acid Throwing, Female Genital Mutilation, to Torture and Murder.  One of the most heinous of these crimes is Bride Burning.  It is practiced in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh.  The crime is often staged to appear as an accident or suicide.  The victims are usually newly married women whose parents do not have the money to pay off the husband‘s dowry requirements.  The perpetrators are usually the husband’s family or the husband himself. 
Women in these countries do not get much support from their male counterpart.  The husband’s family will harass, threaten and sometimes kill the bride if her family cannot come up with the money or gifts .  With the new wife out-of-the-way , the husband is free to remarry and get a new dowry from his new bride.  In 2010 there were 8391 reported cases of dowry deaths in India alone.
In Pakistan although divorce is possible, it is claimed that some families decide instead to murder unwanted wives.  In most cases of bride burning the woman is doused with kerosene, the helpless defenseless woman is then set on fire and is burned alive.  The deaths are often reported as accidents.  In many cases the police are told the victim was killed by an exploding stove and there is no prosecution. They opt for burning because the chances of prosecution is less.
Bride burning is a wicked, barbaric act.  It is one of the most gruesome forms of human rights violation.