Tag: Psychological abuse

Say NO to Physical Abuse

He hits you and then says he is sorry.  Another sign  that he is an Abuser!

The first time he hits you or hurt you in any way physically give yourself a reality check.  You need to ask yourself if he loses his temper or get angry for whatever reason does this mean he is going to lash out at you?

After he hits you he may be full of remorse.  He will apologize, tell you how sorry he is and that it will never happen again.  When he hits you the second time, you would have known by this time that he lied and  that it is likely to happen again.

Do not allow yourself to be fooled by his profuse apologies.  Some abusers can be very emotional.  Do not be surprised if he cries and begs you to forgive him.  He will beg for your forgiveness and try to convince you that it will never happen again.  However the abuse will continue unless you remove yourself from the situation.

I recall a friend of mine leaving her abusive boyfriend after he had beaten her badly.  He was very upset about the fact that she had left and went on a mission trying to find her.  I went with him because I wanted to be there for her in case he found her and decided to get nasty.  After visiting two of her relatives home and not finding her he became very emotional and broke down crying.  He said he didn’t know what he would do if she left him for good.  He said he really loved her and he was willing to do anything she asked him to, even go to therapy.  I asked him “If you love her so much why do you keep beating her?  His response was “I don’t know but I promise if she comes back I will never hit her again.”

I remember watching the tears rolling down his cheek and thinking that if I didn’t know better I would almost feel sorry for him.  I was not fooled by his tears.  As it turned out she was staying at a third relative we went that day but he never saw her.  I had a feeling she was there so the minute he parked I ran ahead of him to the house.  When I saw her I could only manage four words, “He is coming hide!”   She did not hesitate but did as I told her.  My mission accomplished I then managed to convince him that she was not there

However a few weeks later he found he and somehow managed to convince her to give him another chance.  Of course the moment she went back to him all his promises of going to therapy and not hitting her again soon went out the window.  He kept abusing her until she decided she had had enough and finally left him for good.  Incidentally she was not the first person to suffer abuse at his hands.

 Do not be fooled my empty promises.  Do what is best for you and so NO to physical abuse.  Please bear in mind that the longer you remain in an abusive relationship the more difficult it is going to be for you to leave.  You have to get out the moment the abuse start! 

Stop Abuse of Women

One Sign That he may be an Abuser  “ISOLATION”

A majority of women get into relationships having no idea that their intended partners are abusers.  This happens because you cannot tell that a man is an abuser simply by looking at him.  He often appears to be your regular nice guy.  He puts on the charm.  He wines and dine you and make you feel important.  He says the right words that you want to hear.

However charming he may appear at first be careful and take nothing for granted.  Keep your eyes open for any warning signs that he may not be all that he wants you to believe that he is because he could be an abuser.

One of the first signs to watch for is ‘Isolation’.  One of the first things he may try to do is isolate you from your friends and relatives.  If he wants you to cut ties with your friends don’t for one moment believe that he is thinking of your best interest.  If he tries to keep you away from your family or try to make you choose between your family and him be warned; he is up to no good.  He could be setting the stage for abuse!

When he gets you in a position where you are isolated from your family and friends it gives him power over you because when the abuse starts you will find yourself alone with no one to come to your aid and that is exactly what he wants.  Do not ignore that first clue!

Enslaved

I look at her battered, bruised face,
And she quickly looks away,
“I fell,” she responded, to the unspoken question,
And yet she wouldn’t look my way.
Caught up in a situation of physical abuse
Why did she think she had to stay?
“Leave him,” I told her,
And she pretended not to understand.
“I fell,” she repeated,
Trying to convince me,
Trying to convince herself.
“You don’t deserve this,” I told her,
“He loves me,” she says.
“No,” I tell her,
“Love is not supposed to hurt.”
She nods her head as if agreeing with me,
And yet I wonder,
Does she really understand?

In the US between 1000-1600 women die each year as a result of domestic violence.  It is time to take charge and make changes don’t allow yourself to become part of the statistic for 2013.  Engage in health and fulfilling relationships.  Learn to recognize signs of abuse and remove yourself before you get trapped in a life of physical abuse.

Say NO to Physical Abuse

Recognizing Warning Signs That Your Man Could be an Abuser

Women are often trapped in abusive relationships because they did not recognize or chose to ignore the warning signs.  Since it is often difficult to get out of these relationships it is very important for you to be aware of the negative behavior of your partner and end the relationship before he gets too much control over your life.

One of the first thing an abuser will try to is to control you.  He will try to make you abandon your family and friends for him.  He needs to get the feeling that he is number one in your life; that he means more to you than anyone else.  I recall a conversation I had with a friend of mine  (who we shall call Sharon) very abusive boyfriend.  Her family was upset about the way he was physically abusing her and was adamant that she should leave him.  I remember him saying to me ”Sharon isn’t going to leave me, she loves me.  She don’t care about her family.  She will do anything I tell her to do so they are just wasting their time.”  I recall him being very smug about it, so very sure of himself.

This is one of the first signs that you should learn to recognize.  If your partner is trying to separate you from your family and friends, pay close attention and ask yourself, why is he doing this?  It could be a situation of divide and conquer.  He could be setting the stage for abuse and by controlling you and alienating you from those who care about you, when the abuse begins you will have no one to turn to for help.  The first step therefore to not set yourself up for an abusive relationship is to make sure the relationship you have with your family and friends remain intact.

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Enslaved

I look at her battered, bruised face
And she quickly looks away,
‘I fell,’ she responded,
to the unspoken question,
And yet she wouldn’t look my way.
Caught up in a situation of physical abuse,
why did she think she had to stay?
‘Leave him,’ I told her,
And she pretended not to understand.
‘I fell,’ she repeated,
trying to convince me,
trying to convince herself.
‘You don’t deserve this,’
I told her.
‘He loves me,’ she says.
‘No,’ I tell her.
‘Love is not supposed to hurt.’
She nods her head as if she,
agrees with me,
And yet I wonder,
Does she really understand?

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