Lawyer Jokes

Driving through town in his BMW, a successful young lawyer spotted two man on the side of the road eating grass out of somebody’s yard. Moved by how desperate the men had become, he pulls over to have a word with them,

“Hey fellas, what is going on? Why are you eating grass?” asks the lawyer.

“We’re down on our luck, have no jobs and are very poor!”, they both respond.

“Well then, come with me” the lawyer insists. “I’ll do what I can to help, after all – it’s clear you’re desperate and you’re clearly willing to do what it takes to get by.”

After a fifteen minute drive, the two poor men arrive at a beautiful estate on five acres of land right on the 18th hole of a prestigious golf course. They became excited at the chance to finally get some work.

“Sir, we can’t thank you enough! Thank you so much for this opportunity. We will make you happy!” they exclaimed with joy!

“Ah, it’s no problem. I’m just happy to help.” replied the compassionate lawyer. You can eat all the grass you want, it’s got to be at least a foot tall by now!”

Jokes

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

jokes

葫芦的花
Image via Wikipedia
You Are at : Main Categories  Anancy

Anancy an Common-Sense

Black Singles Online

By Louise Bennett (Miss Lou)

Once upon a time, Anancy tink to himself seh dat if him coulda collect up all de common-sense ina de worl an keep it fi himself, den him boun to get plenty money an plenty powah, for everybody woulda haffi come to him wid dem worries an him woulda charge dem very dear wen him advise them.

Anacy start fi collect up and collect up all de common-sense him could a fine an put dem inna one big-bag calabash. When him search an search an couldn’t fine no more common-sense Anacy decide fi hide him calabash full a common-sense pon de top of a high-high tree which part nobody coulda reach it.

So Anancy tie a rope round de neck a de calabash an tie de two end a de rope togedda, an tie de rope roun him neck so dat de calabash wasa res pon him belly. Anancy start fi climb up de high-high tree, which part him was gwine hide de calabash, but him couldn’t climb too good nor too fas for de calabash wasa get in him way everytime him try fi climb.

Anancy try an try so till all of a sudden him hear a voice buss out a laugh backa him, an wen him look him see a lickle bwoy a stan up a de tree root an a laugh an halla seh, “What a fool-fool man! If yuh want to climb a tree front ways, why yuh don’t put de calabash behine yuh?”

Well sah, Anancy soh bext fi hear dat big piece a common-sense come outa de mout a such a lickle bit a bwoy afta him did tink dat him collect all de common-sense in de worl, dat Anancy grab off de calabash from roun him neck an fling it dung a tree root, an de calabash bruck up in minces an de common-sense dem scatter out ina de breeze all ovah de worl an everybody get a lickle bit a common-sense.

Is Anancy mek it.
Jack Mandora, me nuh choose none.
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Free Barber

Black Singles Online

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut, and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Jamaican goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The Jamaican is, of course, very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there????

(You know it!!!) A dozen Jamaicans waiting for a free haircut…
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  • Joke (marvaseaton.wordpress.com)

Jamaican Christmas Cake

christmas cake!
Image by blythe_d via Flickr

We are almost in the month of November, a few more weeks and Christmas will be here.  It is a time of year that most people look forward to.  It is usually a period of much eating, drinking and celebrating.  One of the things Jamaicans look forward to at Christmas is a big nice slice of Christmas cake.  Today I am going to share the recipe with you and you can try it for your self.

Christmas Cake  Recipe

1/2 lb. butter

1/2 lb. granulated sugar

6 ozs. flour

6 ozs. bread crumbs

1 tsp. baking powder

4 cups mixed fruits (raisins, currants, cherries, prunes)

1/4 tsp. salt

1 tbsp. mixed spice

2 tsp. vanilla

1 cup white rum

1 pt. port wine

2 tsp. lime juice

6 eggs

1 tsp. almond flavouring

1 tbsp browning

Method

`         1. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy

  1.  Mix in browning, almond flavouring, vanilla and lime juice

  2.  Add eggs one at a time and beat in well.  Add fruits to the mixture

  3.  Mix flour, breadcrumbs, baking powder, salt and mixed spices

  4.  Add alternately with rum and port wine

  5.  Pour mixture into cake tin which has already been greased and lined

  6.  Bake at   350F  for one and a half hours

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Why

Bam! Bam! Bam!
Another one go down,
And the morning newspaper,
Headlines scream!
“Man shot dead last night! ”
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Another mother cry,
Another heart knows sorrow,
Where will it end?
This senseless killing,
Blood forever spilling,
Who did it?
The question frequently asked,
And often go unanswered,
It must be someone with,
A heart carved from iron,
And a mind made of steel,
And ice-water instead of blood,
Flowing through his veins,
Who would take up a gun,
And senselessly kill his brother!

A Tribute To Someone Special

I saw not for the first time,
Traces of tears mirrored in your eyes,
But the tears lost, for you did not,
Once let go of the smile,
I saw quite clearly the pain,
You did not try to disguise,
And a part of me grieved,
And inside I wept.

You who gave love to one and all,
And mothered those who weren’t,
even your own, ,
I ask myself, how can someone,
Who has given so much love,
Bear so much pain?

I saw you, a strong tower,
A great mountain, unshaken, unmoved,
A woman like Job,
And like Job you bore the things,
That were unjustly thrust upon you.

The passing of the years multiplied,
Your sorrow and your pain,
And yet you did not complain,
I saw in you no bitterness,
No revenge, no regrets, no hate.

I looked at you and I marveled,
Surely, you were no ordinary woman,
You must have been an angel,
Sent down from heaven,
Taking the form of a woman,
I don’t know, but wherever you are,
I just want you to know,
You must be someone special!

The Day The Rains Came And The Rivers Partied

The heavens opened  up and the rain
poured down,
At first in soft showers
which steadily grew stronger,
Until the only sound was
the steady incessant drumming
on the roofs and the rattling
of the window panes.
The thunder roared encouragement,
and the lightning flashed in glee,
As the rivers shouted
“Come on guys, let’s have a party”.

The rain poured down
And the rivers rushed forward
Frothing and rumbling,
As they greeted each other.
The lands started grumbling,
But decided to give way,
For the water was taking over
And they just couldn’t stay,
The trees and shrubs
Reluctantly joined in,
The houses looked at each other
The question in their eyes,
And the waters gurgled,
“Come on in guys, cant you see
We’re having a great time? ”

The rain poured down,
And the rivers partied,
And many a reluctant one was
Forced to join in,
For the water moved everything,
That stood in its way,
And anything it didn’t want to,
Just couldn’t stay.

But when the party was over
No one was laughing,
For when the water receded,
The people were left to do,
the cleaning,
And for many, the water destroyed
The place the once called home,
Making everything empty and cold.

The sun did its best,
To bring out a smile,
As it looked down,
Steadfastly and said,
“Cheer up my dears, I am here
And I am your friend”
The sun did its best,
The waters dried up,
But for a while yet I know,
Everyone will remember the day
The rains came,
And the rivers partied!

Nothing Changes

I close my eyes and reality sinks in,
The past, the present intertwined,
A vivid contrast of what was and what is,
And yet if one digs deeply, it is clear
that nothing really changes,
People born and people die,
People get married and people get divorced,
There are the devoted parents and there
are those who don’t really care,
All living together in a world where sometimes
strange things do happen,
There is a road we all need to take,
One which path will lead us to true happiness,
Question is how many walk that path?
How many are able to find that road?
Many spend their lives searching for it,
Some not even understanding the true
meaning of happiness,
Maybe it is time to change that perspective
and begin to enjoy each day to the fullest!

Justice

Casey Anthony has been booked into the Orange ...
Image via Wikipedia

Just the other day a young woman walked free,
Upsetting a lot of people including me,
Since when we are not accountable for our children whereabouts?
To guide and protect them and watch them grow,
In this world they need that in order to survive,
Caylee didn’t get that and now she is gone,
Eternity for little Caylee came way too soon!

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