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It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

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葫芦的花
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You Are at : Main Categories  Anancy

Anancy an Common-Sense

Black Singles Online

By Louise Bennett (Miss Lou)

Once upon a time, Anancy tink to himself seh dat if him coulda collect up all de common-sense ina de worl an keep it fi himself, den him boun to get plenty money an plenty powah, for everybody woulda haffi come to him wid dem worries an him woulda charge dem very dear wen him advise them.

Anacy start fi collect up and collect up all de common-sense him could a fine an put dem inna one big-bag calabash. When him search an search an couldn’t fine no more common-sense Anacy decide fi hide him calabash full a common-sense pon de top of a high-high tree which part nobody coulda reach it.

So Anancy tie a rope round de neck a de calabash an tie de two end a de rope togedda, an tie de rope roun him neck so dat de calabash wasa res pon him belly. Anancy start fi climb up de high-high tree, which part him was gwine hide de calabash, but him couldn’t climb too good nor too fas for de calabash wasa get in him way everytime him try fi climb.

Anancy try an try so till all of a sudden him hear a voice buss out a laugh backa him, an wen him look him see a lickle bwoy a stan up a de tree root an a laugh an halla seh, “What a fool-fool man! If yuh want to climb a tree front ways, why yuh don’t put de calabash behine yuh?”

Well sah, Anancy soh bext fi hear dat big piece a common-sense come outa de mout a such a lickle bit a bwoy afta him did tink dat him collect all de common-sense in de worl, dat Anancy grab off de calabash from roun him neck an fling it dung a tree root, an de calabash bruck up in minces an de common-sense dem scatter out ina de breeze all ovah de worl an everybody get a lickle bit a common-sense.

Is Anancy mek it.
Jack Mandora, me nuh choose none.
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You Are at : Main Categories  Di Yaadi Dem

Free Barber

Black Singles Online

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut, and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Jamaican goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The Jamaican is, of course, very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there????

(You know it!!!) A dozen Jamaicans waiting for a free haircut…
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Doctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.

Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.

“Oh yes, I’ve done that,” said the old gentleman.

“I’ve only got to make a will. And do you know what I’m going to do with all my money? I’m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”

Second Opinion

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.

She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?” Shouts the doctor.

“Getting a second opinion!”

A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. “She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her,” the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, “Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant.”
The mother gasped, “That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men.” She turned to the girl. “You don’t, do you, dear?”
“No, mumsy,” said the girl. “Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!” The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, “Doctor, is there something wrong out there?”
“No, Madam,” said the doctor. “It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up.
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More Jamaican Jokes

1537: Potato to Europe.
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Dig Up The Garden

Black Singles Online

An old man lived alone in St. Mary, Jamaica. He wanted to plough his field to plant potatoes, but it was very hard work, and he was unable to do it alone. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, “Papa, beg yu nuh dig up the garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!”

At 4 a.m. the next morning police and soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son’s reply was: “Now plant yu potatoes, Papa. Is the best I could do at this time.”

A Jamaica Joke

Big Shot Jamaican

Black Singles Online

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school.

He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened
his new law office in New Kingston.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details.”

The “conversation” went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, “I’m sorry for the delay but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?” The man replied, “I’m from Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I come to hook up your phone.”
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A Jamaican Joke

The Jamaican On A Ship

Black Singles Online

On a ship an American, an English man, and a Jamaican were sailing. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop something in the sea; if I find it I will eat you … If I can’t, then I will be your slave!”

The American dropped a diamond. The Devil quickly found it and ate him.

The English man dropped tiny platinum piece. The Devil found it and ate him too.

Now it’s the Jamaican man’s turn …. He proceeded to open a bottle of water, and poured it in the sea! His words to the Devil, “Yeah man, find that bloodclaat nuh!!! Yuh tink seh jamaicans a idiot?”

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