Category Archives: Parenting

A Mother’s Intuition

This is a true story that I would like to share with you. The moral of this story is never to doubt you gut feeling. I hope you find it interesting.

A Mother’s Intuition

I stood with the doctor in the long corridor of the children’s ward. My daughter lay in the narrow hospital bed sleeping fitfully a few feet away. Earlier that evening it had taken two nurses to hold her down to give her an injection to help ease the excruciating pain she was in. Four days, three doctors, no answers, I was running scared. Was my daughter going to die? Was Jesus going to take her to heaven after all?

That weekend my five-year-old daughter had spent the weekend at my Mom’s. When I went by that Sunday she had greeted me excitedly.  “Mommy, mommy I saw Jesus last night,” she said.

       “You dreamt Jesus,” I said.

     “Yes,” she replied, her face beaming.  “He came to take me to heaven.”

     The muscles in my stomach clenched.    “What happened?” I asked cautiously.

     “He didn’t bother,” she said.

     The muscles in my stomach relaxed and relief flooded my body. Her fingers clutched at my hand. What does that mean Mommy?” I looked down at her small unturned face, her innocent eyes questioning. “It means that everything is going to be okay,” I told her. That was what I had thought at the time but now I was worried sick. Was everything really going to be okay?

     Doctor Okeke standing next to me had examined a few minutes ago, before she fell asleep. The two doctors who had seen her since she fell ill on Tuesday and the one who had examined her when she arrived at the hospital didn’t know what was wrong. I hoped Dr. Okeke did.

    “What do you think it is Doctor?” I asked.

     “Worms,” he said.

     For a moment, I thought I had heard him wrong. “Worms,” I repeated feeling somewhat bewildered.

     “Yes,” he said and nodded. “I think it’s worms.”  

     I shook my head. “It’s not worms,” I told him. 

     “Why,” he asked.

      “Because worms can’t cause so much pain,” I told him.

     “Yes it can,” he said. “It can cause that amount of pain.”

       I shook my head.

      “Yes it can,” he insisted.

      “I don’t think it is worms,” I repeated. “Maybe you ought to do an X-Ray.”

     He took aversion to that. His entire body stiffened. “Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?” he asked in a brusque tone.

     “No,” I told him. “But my daughter is sick and you obviously don’t know what is wrong, maybe if you do an X-Ray it will show up something.

     “I am telling you it is worms,” he insisted. “I have had many cases like this before. It is worm.”

     I looked him dead in the eyes. “I don’t care how many cases like this you have seen before,” I told him. “This is not one of them.”

     He went silent. We stood on the empty corridor me, him and the heavy silence that had fallen between us. Finally he spoke. “I understand,” he said. “You are a mother and you are worried about your daughter. I know I am right but here’s what I am going to do. I am going to ask Dr. Gordon to examine her. He is the head doctor here. Let’s see what he thinks.”

      Hope surged within me. I knew Dr. Gordon well. He was a good Doctor maybe he would able to find something that the others hand missed. I thanked him profusely. “I would really appreciate you doing that,” I told him.

    As promised Dr. Gordon turned up on the ward to examine my daughter that Saturday. The excruciating pain she had been in since Tuesday had abated a bit but only because of the pain meds they were giving her.  Dr. Gordon a short thick-set man wearing a long white jacket greeting both of us warmly when he came.  Sitting in a chair by the bedside I watched as he examined her. He ruled out everything that the other doctor had already ruled it, it wasn’t her appendix… there was no pain or tenderness in that area. He ruled out her stomach and gastroenteritis… there was no vomiting or diarrhea. He could not find anything wrong.  

     Concluding his examination he looked at me and said, “Dr. Okeke is right it’s worm. I felt as if someone had taken a pan of ice-cold water and dumped it over my head. Dr. Gordon had been my last hope and now it felt as if that hope was gone. I could barely find my voice to mumble ok and watched him leave. Doctor Okeke came by a few minutes later to find out what Dr. Gordon had said. I told him he said it was worms.

      “See I told you it was worms,” he said. “I didn’t bother to argue with him, what would have been the point.

     I was feeling depressed when I left the hospital that day. A little girl who had fallen out of a tree and was admitted the day before my daughter had died. Friday night I had listened to her cries of pain as she lay in bed with one leg and one of her hand in casts. How could one die from a broken arm and leg? I wondered as they wheeled her lifeless body out of the ward. It sharply brought home the question of mortality. Children died too. I clung to my daughter’s dream. Jesus hadn’t bothered to take her to heaven so that meant she wasn’t going to die didn’t it? I felt however whatever was wrong could eventually kill her and it was up to me to figure out what it was.

        By now my entire family was worried sick; my daughter was not getting any better. I went to hospital early Sunday morning before everyone else. She lay curled up on her side under the white hospital sheet. She was still in pain but managed a smile when she saw me. I pulled back the covers told her to lie and her back. I had made the decision before coming to the hospital that I was going to do my own examination. I prayed before I started. It was just a simply prayer asking God to reveal to me what was wrong so I could tell the doctors.

     I ruled out everything the doctor had already ruled out and then I asked myself what other organ is in the lower abdominal area. I sat there pondering and then it hit me like a bolt of lightning… her bladder. When I touched that area she winced in pain and not only that she had not peed since coming into the hospital nor could she remember the last time she had peed when I questioned her. I was sure I had found my answer.

      I looked up for my daughter’s bed and as if in answer to my prayers there was Dr Okeke. He was three beds away talking with a nurse. I rushed over to them. “Excuse me,” I said. “Doctor I think it’s her bladder she hasn’t peed in days. Do you think it could be that?”

     His eyes widened and he nodded. “Yes it could be that,” he said.

    Finally I thought. I had gotten his attention; he was ready to explore another diagnosis other than his own. A few minutes later at the doctor’s instruction the nurse inserted a catheter and we stood watching bright, orange-colored looking urine flowing into a bag. My daughter’s pain disappeared like magic as soon as her bladder was emptied and she was smiling cheerfully. She was her old self again.

       Dr. Okeke turned to me. “You are a doctor,” he said, perhaps trying to make sense of how I could have picked up on something they had all missed.

    “No I am not a doctor,” I told him. He looked at me with something akin to concern in his eyes. “What happened,” he asked. “Did you drop out of med school?”

      I couldn’t help the soft chuckle, “Never been there,” I told him. “You mean you have no medical training?” His voice held a ring of disbelief.

  “None at all I told him.”  I didn’t spend years in med school. I didn’t have their medical training. What I possessed was my mother’s intuition. It was it that saved my daughter. My mind flashed back to the dream. I was right after all; Jesus hadn’t taken her to heaven everything was going to be okay.

This is a true story. I was that Mom.

*The doctor names have been changed to protect their identity.

 

 

 

Parents Step Up

One of the things plaguing society today is poor parenting. Too many children are growing up without role models they can emulate. The weakness of our men in regard to being responsible and showing moral and mental strength have resulted in many single parent homes where raising the children is left solely on the women. Yes we have weak women too because we have single parent homes with fathers playing both roles. However overall the number of single female households way outnumber the men. This is a clear indication that as parents our women are way stronger than our men.

Too many men seem to suffer from the Georgie Porgie syndrome. It is all sweet and dandy in the relationship until a child come into the picture then like scared little boys they run away. Weak people are always seeking the easy way out of a situation and for many men and some women turning their backs on their responsibilities is the easy way.

Every child needs at least one strong parent. So if you are that strong parent in your child or children’s life be proud and do your best to raise them right. For all you struggling single mothers, stay strong. At times it will get rough but hold on. Children grow up and someday you will look back with pride on a job well done.  To all the weak men who are still running, grow up, be a man. A strong man or woman never turn their backs on their children. Only the weak ones do.

Co-parenting After Separation

Most relationships never end on a good note. Breakups and divorce often bring about feelings of hurt and resentment between parents.

When children are involved parents must put aside their feelings and do what is best for their child or children. They have to try to get along. With good communication issues can be worked out and each parent will be able to keep informed about what is going on in the child’s life. When both parents get along it gives the child a sense of security and it reassures the child that he or she is loved by both parents.

Parents Missing in Action

It is amazing how many men and women fail miserably at the single most important job they will ever have – that of being a parent.

So many do not take their responsibilities seriously or seem to understand their roles. The end result is that you have situations where children are raising themselves and instances where older siblings are forced to take on the responsibilities of caring for the younger one. Is there any wonder that there is a breakdown of moral values in society.

Parents love your children, support your children, make sacrifices for them if sacrifice is required. Be the best parents that you can be. Thumbs up to all the parents who are trying to raise their children right. To the single mothers and fathers nuff respect.

To the parents who don’t seem to give a damn, remember that once a man twice a child. The child that you neglect today may be the one whose help you may need in the future. Stop and take a look at your life. It is never too late to change.

Empowering Women

We must empower girls and choose carefully the words we say to them. Stop telling little girls that they are sexy. Stop planting that seed in their minds that the greatest attribute of a woman is to be sexy. Tell them that they are beautiful, intelligent, royal, strong, graceful, elegant and most of all important. Tell them that they are worthy of being loved, respected and peotected. Tell them that their self worth and high self-esteem is important. Tell them that they are more precious than diamond and gold, tell them that they are priceless.

Girls: Careers Before Babies Please

The level of teenage pregnancies make you wonders if these teenagers have never heard of platonic relationships. Teenage years should be about fun, enjoying moments you can never relive. It is a time to focus on pursuing a career and staying on track to secure a bright future. It is not a time to take on the job of being responsible for another life.

On the bus on my way to work I couldn’t help noticing a girl. She is probably fourteen but no older than fifteen. The first time I noticed her was when she came on the bus one morning with a guy. He took the only available seat while she stood the entire ride to school, he didn’t even offer to hold her bag and I thought look at that.

I kept noticing them after that. She was always smiling and up under his arm. I could see she was smitten with him and I remember thinking I only hope she is taking her education serious and don’t make a fool of herself over this guy. This morning she came on the bus alone not looking so happy and she is very much pregnant. She is apparently taking summer classes because she got off at the school.  I felt bad for her. Come September when her friends will be returning to school she will have to be preparing for a baby she is not ready for. She is still a child herself. Girls careers before babies please.

Hot Car Deaths 2014

The number of children who have died as a result of being locked in a hot vehicle now stands at seventeen as of Today Monday July 14, 2014. This figure is alarming. However instead of us debating about how parents can possible forget their children inside their cars we must focus on ways to prevent more deaths.

Here are some tips that might help parents to remember their children.

1.When you strap your child in the car place your briefcase, handbags, or lunch on the seat next to your child.

2.Carry an extra pair of shoes an old one that you wear around the house and one for work. Put your working shoes on the floor of the vehicle directly in front of the car seat. There is no way you can retrieve it and not see your child.

3. We are living in a world blinded by technology and where people will forget their children they rarely forget their phones. Few can go for minutes much less hours without their phones. Put your phone in the child’s bag. I have a feeling you won’t forget it.

4.If the first three is not enough write this sign and stick on your dashboard –
MY CHILD IS IN MY CAR

5.If none of these work then you shouldn’t have children!!!

Mother Beats Child for Posting Inappropriate Photos on Facebook

This video of a Trinidadian mother beating her twelve-year-old daughter went viral. It got divided reactions. Some thought the beating was well deserved others saw it as child abuse. I have watched this video a few times myself and have formed my opinion based on what I saw.

The child in question did not strike me as one that was overly disrespectful, the beating went for what I consider as way too long and at no time did she get aggressive or try to disrespect her mother. She did not strike me as a bad child. The things children see impact greatly on the things they in turn do. They see all these stars posing like strippers and people glorify them and they think maybe I can look that good too.

The mother said she spoke to the child several times about her behavior and that is sometimes the error that parents make. First of all let me clarify cursing a child is not talking to that child and instead of talking to the child it is better to talk with the child in that way actual dialogue takes place between you and the child. Another point I want to make is if you are going to give a child a computer and internet access you must be prepared to monitor what that child is doing. If the child has a Facebook page you need to have a Facebook page as well so you can monitor what is going on.

This mother is clearly concerned about her daughter getting pregnant at an early age but if she believes beating the crap out of her daughter is going to prevent that she is sadly mistaken. What she can do is use the internet to her advantage. Show her daughter videos of teenagers struggling to raise children on their own because they made the wrong choices. Education and not fear is what is going to make a difference.