Stop Abuse of Women

Stop Abuse of Women

Extreme Jealousy – Another Sign to Watch Out For

It is nice to know that someone loves you and that he may be a little jealous when other men focus too much attention on you.  However when he is jealous to the point where he believes you are having a relationship with every man you talks to, it becomes a problem.  A little jealousy in a relationship is normal but extreme jealousy is unhealthy.  It also shows that your partner may find it difficult to trust anyone.

He is jealous of the relationship you have with your male co-workers or any male for that matter.  He constantly accuses you of sleeping with other men and manufactures affairs where none exists.  He checks your phone records to see who you talk to. He watches you every move and keep tabs on you because he needs to know exactly where you are throughout the day.  His insane jealousy and constant accusations will in time cause you much unhappiness and drain you emotionally.

Extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity and a jealous partner may get to the point where he refuses to let you out of his sight.  He is suspicious when there is no reason for suspicion.  A man may even physically abuse his woman because in his head she is cheating although technically she is not.  Do not ignore signs of extreme jealousy in a partner.  Jealousy can be a reason for murder to take place and many women have lost lives at the hands of jealous partners.

If your partner is extremely jealous it may be best to walk away from the relationship for your safety and peace of mind.

 

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Stop Abuse of Women

Say No to Molestation of Children

My blog post today was prompted by a question asked by a friend on Facebook.  The question was if a family member molested your child and you got angry every time you saw them, what would you do, keep the family secret, approach them and let them know you know about it or get them arrested.

My first thought was that was a simple answer, if someone molested my child I would immediately have that person arrested family member or not, but then it dawned on me that it is not that simple for everyone.  Families often keep secrets so that the family honor is upheld.  A case of a child who is molested or raped by a family member may go unreported so as not to bring shame on the family.  While the family member is protected who looks out for the child?  The child is the victim in this situation.  The child is the one who will have to live with the physical and emotional trauma and often will remain emotionally scarred for life.

When these things happen and you keep silent you are giving the perpetrator power and is inadvertently aiding and abetting him or her.  How do you think the child will feel knowing that you knew what was happening but did nothing about it because it was more important to keep the family secret.  The child’s welfare must be the number one priority in situations like this and anyone one who molest a child must be held accountable.

It is the responsibility of adults to protect children and often times it is these people who they trust that molest them.  We are living in a cruel world and often times it is the children who suffer the most because they are defenseless and are not able to do anything about what is happening to them.  In order to protect children parents who are aware that their children are molested and do nothing about it must be held accountable along with the perpetrator.  Let us protect our children. They have the right to enjoy their childhood years free from molestation.

Stop Abuse of Women

Stop Abuse of Women

Controlling Men… Avoid Them

Falling in love can be a wonderful thing especially when the man appears to be everything that you desire.  You may be so blindly in love with him that it takes a while for you to realize that he is trying to control your life.  

He may be very subtle about it at first; for example it is okay for him to hang out with the guys but if you decide to hang out with your girlfriends he comes up with excuses why you should not go the chief among them being that he wants to spend quality time with you.  You want to hang out with the girls but of course you are thrilled that he wants you home with him. That however is just the beginning, You have a family event to attend but on the day of the event he complains that he is feeling ill.  He tells you it is okay for you to go but you feel guilt about leaving him alone so you stay not realizing that he is slowly manipulating and programming you to do exactly what he wants you to do.

Not all of them however go about controlling you by playing mind games.  Some are rather aggressive and dictates to you exactly what he wants you to do.  He may not want you to go out without him.  He tells you what kind of clothes to wear and may make you throw out what he don’t want you to wear.  He determines the friends you keep and makes you to disassociate yourself from those he doesn’t like.

If you try to question his actions he may try to control you with threats and instill fear in you so you have no choice but to obey him because you are afraid of the consequences if you don’t.  This is the worst kind of control because when you give in to fear it gives him the ultimate power over you and keeps you trapped in the relationship.  He feeds on your fear.  It boosts his ego because he knows he has you exactly where he wants you.

If your partner is physically abusive as well as controlling you could be faced with a big problem if you decide to leave.  He needs to be in control and when you leave it means he is no longer in control.  Even the non aggressive controlling partner may become physical if you try to leave.  He needs to have this control and will try to keep it by whatever means necessary.  He does not believe in the saying,  “If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you then it was meant to be.”  

A controlling partner may feel that if he can’t have you then no one else can.  If he tells you this do not for one moment believe that he is just joking.  Many women have lost their lives after ending controlling relationships.  In killing the woman the man maintains his control and he is often prepared to take his own life so no own gets to be in control of his fate.

To avoid these catastrophic endings or to avoid being trapped in an unhealthy relationship it is best to look out for the signs.  Do not allow yourself to be so blinded by love that you fail to recognize them.  It is always best to walk away before he gets too much control.

 

Stop Abuse of Women

Say NO to Physical Abuse

He hits you and then says he is sorry.  Another sign  that he is an Abuser!

The first time he hits you or hurt you in any way physically give yourself a reality check.  You need to ask yourself if he loses his temper or get angry for whatever reason does this mean he is going to lash out at you?

After he hits you he may be full of remorse.  He will apologize, tell you how sorry he is and that it will never happen again.  When he hits you the second time, you would have known by this time that he lied and  that it is likely to happen again.

Do not allow yourself to be fooled by his profuse apologies.  Some abusers can be very emotional.  Do not be surprised if he cries and begs you to forgive him.  He will beg for your forgiveness and try to convince you that it will never happen again.  However the abuse will continue unless you remove yourself from the situation.

I recall a friend of mine leaving her abusive boyfriend after he had beaten her badly.  He was very upset about the fact that she had left and went on a mission trying to find her.  I went with him because I wanted to be there for her in case he found her and decided to get nasty.  After visiting two of her relatives home and not finding her he became very emotional and broke down crying.  He said he didn’t know what he would do if she left him for good.  He said he really loved her and he was willing to do anything she asked him to, even go to therapy.  I asked him “If you love her so much why do you keep beating her?  His response was “I don’t know but I promise if she comes back I will never hit her again.”

I remember watching the tears rolling down his cheek and thinking that if I didn’t know better I would almost feel sorry for him.  I was not fooled by his tears.  As it turned out she was staying at a third relative we went that day but he never saw her.  I had a feeling she was there so the minute he parked I ran ahead of him to the house.  When I saw her I could only manage four words, “He is coming hide!”   She did not hesitate but did as I told her.  My mission accomplished I then managed to convince him that she was not there

However a few weeks later he found he and somehow managed to convince her to give him another chance.  Of course the moment she went back to him all his promises of going to therapy and not hitting her again soon went out the window.  He kept abusing her until she decided she had had enough and finally left him for good.  Incidentally she was not the first person to suffer abuse at his hands.

 Do not be fooled my empty promises.  Do what is best for you and so NO to physical abuse.  Please bear in mind that the longer you remain in an abusive relationship the more difficult it is going to be for you to leave.  You have to get out the moment the abuse start! 

Stop Abuse of Women

Stop Abuse of Women

One Sign That he may be an Abuser  “ISOLATION”

A majority of women get into relationships having no idea that their intended partners are abusers.  This happens because you cannot tell that a man is an abuser simply by looking at him.  He often appears to be your regular nice guy.  He puts on the charm.  He wines and dine you and make you feel important.  He says the right words that you want to hear.

However charming he may appear at first be careful and take nothing for granted.  Keep your eyes open for any warning signs that he may not be all that he wants you to believe that he is because he could be an abuser.

One of the first signs to watch for is ‘Isolation’.  One of the first things he may try to do is isolate you from your friends and relatives.  If he wants you to cut ties with your friends don’t for one moment believe that he is thinking of your best interest.  If he tries to keep you away from your family or try to make you choose between your family and him be warned; he is up to no good.  He could be setting the stage for abuse!

When he gets you in a position where you are isolated from your family and friends it gives him power over you because when the abuse starts you will find yourself alone with no one to come to your aid and that is exactly what he wants.  Do not ignore that first clue!

Social Media

The Simon Cowell Affair

A lot of people tend to idolize celebrities and put them on pedestals.  To me they are no more special than the rest of us except for the fact that they have more money and are able to live a more luxurious lifestyle.  This however does not necessarily  make their lives more fulfilling or happier than the regular man in the street and it certainly does not make them any smarter.

One would have thought that if Simon was going to have an affair with his friend’s wife they both would have been more careful about getting caught.  It is quite evident that people will be people regardless of social standing and they will make the same mistakes as anyone else.

Even if a man might try to turn a blind eye to the fact that his wife is being unfaithful, he cannot ignore it when a baby comes into the picture and the other man is the father.  To make matters even worse that man was once his very good friend.  That is the ultimate betrayal.

Will Simon stick around and help to raise this child?  Only time will tell.  However there is one thing we can be sure about and that is the press is going to have a field day with this one.  This story is not going to fade away anytime soon.  In fact they will be counting down the months until this child is born and then the drama will continue.  This story is  not about to die away anytime soon.